Rediscover fingering as it is such an underrated sex act, often consigned to the memory of first time erotic fumblings or teenage shenanigans. Bizarre when you realise, that fingering can be one of the most intimate and pleasurable experiences you can have with another person.
It can often be forgotten as part of the sexual encounter—or even the conclusion of a sex session, especially in long term relationships, so how can we bring back fingering and make it fabulous!
The word ‘fingering’ can conjure immediate images of penetration—pointing, pushing, poking. We must remember that the fingers can explore all the peaks and folds of the vulva, perineum or around the anus. (Though do remember to always clean immediately after anal explorations as it contains bacteria which is not too sexy if transferred back to the vagina—have some biodegradable hygiene wipes handy!). Speaking of hygiene, it seems rather obvious, but make sure your hands are nice and clean and nails not too sharp or roughened.
To build up a lovely state of arousal, you can use the flats of your fingers to massage the pubic mound, cupping it gently and moving rhythmically over the whole area. This can be wonderful for teasing and building arousal. Press slightly on the clitoral area, just enough to elicit a pelvis tip, then remove the touch. This might sound frustrating, but, as our edging article suggests, taking attention away just as it mounts can make the build-up even stronger.
After a few rounds of genital massage, slip a middle finger in between the labia, sliding up and down the ridges and folds there, feeling the moisture begin to trickle. Dip the middle finger in just a millimetre at the vaginal opening where the most nerve endings are and gently swirl the tip there, just for a moment or two before retreating. Listen, watch and feel for positive responses to what you are doing, does your partner rise or follow your fingers when you retreat? Sounds like you’re doing something very nice. Watch for the arching of the back, tipping of the pelvis and pointing of a toe, all great signs that things are going well and pleasure is building.
Increase the intimacy by adding pressure to the clitoral area with the palm or heel of your hand, push the fingertip in a little deeper, perhaps adding a second to give that a feeling of being slightly stretched or opened up.
Talking will help you rediscover fingering
If you or your partner like sex talk, now would be a great time to wonder at your partner’s physical responses, ‘You’re so wet, it turns me on…’
If you don’t usually vocalise your wants and desires, give it a try, you might be surprised just how well it goes for you. Some people may be a little shy at first but once the momentum builds, along with the arousal, you may find the words beginning to flow as well as those juices.
If you’re on the receiving end, encouraging words can make sure you get more of the motions that work for you.
‘That feels so good, that’s the spot, more of that…’ just examples to get you started. One of my favourites: ‘Oh yeah, fuck me with your clever fucking fingers.’ But that’s for very special moments!
Watching
Watching the sinews and muscles skate beneath the flesh as someone works your clit and pussy can be so sexy. The slight twitch in a jaw muscle or the intent look in a lover’s eye as they watch what they are doing to you can be insanely arousing. Your vulva and pleasure being the sole focus of someone else’s attention is an extremely intimate place to be.
Once you are both truly comfortable, you could spread your legs wider, tip your pelvis higher, a physical invitation for your lover to push a little deeper, encouraging them to curl their fingers inside, feeling your arousal grow as they find your G-spot and massage there.
Using a scissor motion inside the vagina can be very pleasurable and quite different if you’ve never experienced it before. Keeping the fingers parted as you withdraw will give a very different sensation. Remember to use plenty of lube to allow lots of slippery access. The sounds can be very exciting too, wet sticky noises of sexual fluids combining add to the whole erotic experience.
Some people find that having fingers inside is great for the build-up but they need to be removed for the actual orgasm. Ros, a huge fingering fan who comes harder when being fingered than any other sex technique said, “I can be quite variable—I find it hard to fully come when something is inside me so I often have to tell them to take their fingers out when I’m right on the edge so I can gush everywhere.” And this is another good tip, “What really works is when they take them out just before that point and THEN go to town on my clit with their fingers so that I almost have two different types of orgasms.” Which is always a bonus.
AM Harding gave a great piece of advice, “Don’t forget thumbs. They bend at different angles and can touch different areas. Depending on the woman in question, they can be every bit as effective as a finger.”
If you get the correct angle, the one administering might have to be lower, perhaps the receiver lying back on a bed or sitting, the thumb can enter and hook upward, with the fingers fanning out and stimulating the clitoris and mound. The thumb is obviously very dextrous so can reach many exciting areas. A lot of deep pressure can be applied and some good thrusting achieved. Because as the receiver you will naturally be in a higher position it can be a nice way to explore a dominant dynamic too.
Use Both Hands when fingering
Imagine, ten whole fingers all tending to your pleasure! While sliding fingers in and out with one hand, the other could be massaging the pubic bone, above the vulva, applying pressure just there can offer delicious new sensations that radiate down to the clitoris. Something about being held in place is extremely hot.
But of course, the best way to find out what your lover likes is to watch how they finger themselves.
Carla Bern, the author of The Art of Female Masturbation, agrees with the double-handed technique, — especially in female masturbation play. “Hold a fingertip just inside your vagina, and stroke too if you like, while you masturbate clitorally with the other hand. All the nerve endings are in the entrance so it’s gorgeous for double stimulation.”
Pay close attention to how long they take over each stage of their female masturbation. Do they concentrate on the outer labia or delve straight in between, to the nerve centre? It’s a fascinating process and you can both learn so much from watching each other. As always, as ever, communication is key and actually very sexy.
You’ll be amazed at how you can spice up your evening by suggesting a good old fingering session. Let’s revive the beautiful art of fingering—we have plenty of female masturbation videos with a fingering focus so why not settle in for the night and rediscover the lost art of fingering… FINGER ME PART 1, FINGER FUCK FUN, ME, ME ME
Just found and read this blog. I enjoy fingering my girlfriend/lover either standing up or lying down as part of extensive foreplay. It is as arousing for me as it is for her; To feel her increasing wetness is heavenly…
Really so hot blog very interesting.
How can you write this article without INTIMATELY knowing my lover? That is exactly how he experimentally proceeds!
You are right: it is a fabulous feeling…..
Your article incites me to wake him up right now!!!!
Sabine D.