Ever since I saw Peter Greenaway’s movie, Drowning by Numbers, I’ve been fascinated by ice play and sex.
There’s a part where Juliet Stevenson is penetrated by an ice lolly. It isn’t graphically depicted, just hinted at, but it left a big impression on me. It is an unexpected, highly erotic scene in the movie, as the couple involved weren’t really getting along, so perhaps that was the main appeal for me. But I did know this: even though I was fascinated, I didn’t really feel the desire to push ice or anything cold into myself.
However, lots of people do! I decided to find out more…
So what exactly is temperature play
In sexual terms, temperature play is using heat or cold to elicit arousal and sexy sensations. Think of a shiver down your spine from a draught or an unexpected drip of rain running down the back of your neck. Or what about the shock of touching a radiator you weren’t expecting to be on? That immediate instinct to snatch your hand (or other parts of your body away) is only natural. It might not sound like the most pleasant thing to do in pursuit of sexy kicks, but if you can harness the initial tingly thrill, your body might respond in new and unexpected ways.
Let’s look at cold to heat you up!
You might be someone who likes to warm their sex toys to body temperature before using them, so why not try not doing that and see if you like the cool sensation? Running a cold ceramic dildo across your neck might raise some delicious goosebumps and get you used to the unusual chill.
Step it up by placing your metal or glass dildo in the fridge and see how you fare with that.
Because temperature play comes into the realms of BDSM, it’s always a good idea to have a safe word for partnered play, just in case the chill gets too chilling.
For solo play, you could place an ice cube on your nipple and see how long you can keep it there, breathe deeply and concentrate on those sensations rather than flicking it off immediately.
For some, the appeal is not so much the cold, but the rush of warmth when the blood floods back in. The sensation of the cells tightening through vasoconstriction from the cold, being replaced by heat as the blood vessels dilate and engorge, can be quite intense.
Top tips to turn down the temp:
- Tuck an ice cube in your cheek before oral sex to get your tongue super cold. Will your partner be recoiling in fright, or wrapping their legs around your head to pull you in deeper?
- Pop some lube in the fridge or freezer and dribble ice-cold liquid all over your bum and sexy bits and see how quickly you can heat it back up again.
- Make it tasty—how about lashings of your favourite ice cream slathered over the best serving platter… your lover’s body. They’ll be squealing for you to hurry up and lick it off!
What about getting all hot and bothered?
Adding heat to the body increases the blood flow and is, therefore, great for arousal to the area. Just like with the cold, you can use your mouth in very effective ways.
- Take a nice big swig on your creamy latte before treating your lover to your hot oral ministrations, wrapping your soft sensual tongue around all the best places. There will be a marked difference in the way body parts respond, so this is a lovely opportunity to learn about your partner’s responses.
- Instead of the fridge, how about popping your dildo into a jug of (not too) hot water? Start just above body temperature to get you used to it.
- Wax play is a fabulous way to experiment with heat. Massage candles are specially designed for dripping all over your naked flesh; they melt at a lower temperature than regular candles, so they are safe to use in this way. Never use an ordinary candle that melts at much higher temperatures and will likely result in burns.
Temperature play – mixing the two!
If you’ve ever plunged into a freezing cold pool after a sauna, you’ll know just how energising and refreshing it is, now imagine the same sensations but concentrating on your erogenous zones. Why not try alternating heat and cold on your nipples—swapping them over to heighten the senses?
Ah, imagine having your partner toy with your nipple with an ice cube while devouring the other with a mouthful of hot tea; what would that do to you?
Don’t take things too seriously; if all you’ve got is a bag of frozen peas, wrap them in a towel and give them a hump—haha, why not!
Well worth a bit of experimentation, we think.
You can buy special lubes that also do the trick temperature and sensation-wise but remember to check the ingredients to make sure they are PH balanced and won’t react with any sex toys or condoms etc., you might be using.
Use all your senses to explore the sensations: watch as the skin tightens and puckers, goosebumps rising—or see your pussy reddening and swelling with juicy arousal from a hot tongue being applied. Listen to the gasp of delight as a shiver runs down your partner’s neck. Taste and smell the flavours that make this a new feast in your sexual pantry. A full sensory experience to take you to new places.
And once you’ve mastered temperature play indoors… why not find an opportunity to take things outside, just like Natty and Steve in our recent film, Fucking Chilly.
A gorgeous film depicting a sexy romp in the snow.
Personally, I definitely love switching up sensations, but the cold part can only be for a very short time before I squeal for some warmth to heat me back up.
I’m certainly having fun pushing my boundaries and finding out how my body responds, so I’d recommend giving some temperature play a try—especially if it leads to some alfresco snowy sex—now that I would not say no to it!