I tread carefully up the gravel driveway in my heels and tight dress.
“Are you sure this is the right place?” I ask my partner nervously. This little countryside semi-detached looks far too innocent surely?
My nerves are palpable, and thighs still trembling from the passionate warm up fuck with him as we got ready. He’d spied me peeling on my stockings, and finding it irresistible had grabbed my ass, sinking his face into my pussy from behind. He’d got me dripping wet and begging for it, then pounded me hard over the edge of the chair in the apartment we’d booked for the night.
As much as it was about our carnal desire, connecting in this way had seemed important before sharing ourselves with others. Our anticipation for the night ahead spilling over in hot excitement for this sex party—one of our first forays into the world of private parties.
It was something we’d talked about for ages, building the story in our minds, imagining the possibilities of it. How many people would be there? Would we fancy them? What group scenarios would we get involved in? Would we feel comfortable?
It was all a big unknown, but we decided to go for it.
Fantasising about group sex is up there as the most common of desires, as shown by the Kinsey Institute researcher Dr Justin Lehmiller and reported widely in the national media. Of course, there are many dating apps out there to make a threesome happen. But for many this feels too intimate and poses a potentially risky strategy bringing someone into their unique couple space. Equally for the single person, they can feel awkward, on show, too shy or not experienced enough. Research also shows that threesome sex has the highest level of disappointment as each participant has a different expectation. I guess this makes a lot of sense.
Attending a sex party can therefore be a less intrusive, easier way to engage in sex with multiple partners as the focus isn’t on you alone—you’re part of something bigger.
This was our rationale too, we wanted to experience the buzz of people fucking all around us, the excitement of many new bodies, minds and sexualities to explore.
We had already been to a well-known sex club in London and had played with a hot couple we liked. They subsequently invited us to their private sex party and included us in the group on Fetlife. This is also a good way to meet like-minded people and find out about private parties, big and small, kinky or not, elegant and dress-up, or slow and sensual, near or far—there’s likely something for everyone’s tastes.
I needn’t have worried at this first event we attended. We were made to feel welcome and both took to it like ducks to water and had a whale of a time and got stuck into some deliciously naughty ‘people pile’ scenarios! We had decided that we would let each other have free rein, as long as safer sex was being practiced we could engage in pretty much anything we felt like in the moment.
What to consider before attending a sex party?
It’s important to think about your boundaries before attending a sex party. This means for you individually and as a couple. Are you comfortable with only playing together in the same room? Will you feel happy with your partner kissing? Going down on someone? Fucking them? Do you want to choose people to play with together or are you happy to allow things to flow and happen more naturally? I’ve seen couples fall down when they take a ‘tit for twat’ approach (literally!) and want to equal their partner’s conquests. This leads to jealousy, feelings of unfairness and sets up unrealistic expectations. Much is written on the subject of jealousy and open relationships in all their forms; from swinging to ethical non monogamy, polyamory and all in between and how to navigate the complex issues that can arise. You are well advised to do some research before you dive in and aim to create an open ongoing dialogue with your partner. This is not a ‘one time’ conversation, things change and morph as you gain experience and checking in with each other, or indeed yourself if you are single, is important. You may be pleasantly surprised with the positive impact on your relationships.
Be prepared to learn from new experiences
Another more visceral bonus for me was that I discovered that I really enjoyed taking a good hard spanking when I had the thrill of an audience—bent over in the kitchen as I was, arse glowing red and resplendent in all its punished glory. Afterwards my partner started stroking and soothing my heated buttocks, trailing his fingers over my knicker gusset we found to my delight and shock how wet I’d become. This really was a turn on! Somehow having spectators had spurred me on to tolerate more pain and I discovered how pleasingly beneficial impact play can be when used as a part of foreplay.
As well as the chance to see other people having sex, learning new positions, having the advantage of more mouths, hands and body parts to make use of, the other plus of going to a sex party is the opportunity to try new toys or dungeon equipment. I was lucky enough to try a Sybian at one such party. This is a fucking machine which comes with variously-sized flexible moulded dildo attachments and its strength is on an industrial level—to blow all others out of the water!
The host had announced in the chat beforehand that he was hiring one and showed us where it was when we’d all arrived. I waited patiently to see if anyone would get things going but no one was brave enough, so I decided to christen it and of course attracted a little gathering of onlookers. I removed my knickers, chose a medium sized dildo, lubed and lowered myself onto it. Then he switched it on.
Oh. My. Fucking. Fuck-Machine! The power of its vibrations was something I’d never experienced before, and it sends me into a quiver when I think of it! Needless to say, a queue then developed as everyone was eager to try its ecstatic delights.
At a later event I’d grown my wings and was, ahem, lost for a while only to be found in a hidden bedroom with four men and a slightly worse for wear bed… The host was luckily very forgiving and saw the funny side! The bed—not so much!
Yes, sex parties are definitely not for the faint hearted in my view, but an opportunity to let guards down, explore, be open sexually, meet wonderful kindred kinky spirits and be free to experiment and indulge in orgiastic hedonistic bliss! I am happy to say I’m still friends with some of the people referred to in this article.
Buckle up, play safe and enjoy the ride.
Links to sex party sites
Some sites that organise or have information on sex parties you can attend, such as Killing Kittens and private members only Skirt Club run by owner Genevieve LeJeune. SDC (Swingers Date Club) and Fab Swingers
Fascinating. A great read. I’m beyond jealous.