What is a hotwife and the stag and vixen lifestyle?
A hot wife is a married woman who has sex outside the marriage with full consent of her husband—sometimes her husband is included in the action by watching or even taking part in a threesome. Other times, the husband is elsewhere—waiting to hear every juicy detail afterwards or to be sent texts and videos during the live-action. Either scenario is always played out with full knowledge and encouraged by all involved, forming an intrinsic part of the couple’s own sexual stag and vixen fantasy world.
Stags and vixens
Also known as stags and vixens, where the husband, the stag, actively encourages his wife, the Vixen, to have sex with other men—often referred to as ‘Bulls’. He’s proud of his hot sexy vixen and loves that she gets attention from other men, ultimately knowing that she is ‘his’. Knowing that your partner can have anyone they want and do, but always come back to you—is a very potent and affirming situation. There is a part of the dynamic where the stag ‘reclaims’ the vixen after her fucking adventures.
“We both agreed that sending and receiving texts and pictures was a big turn on and really added to the hotwife experience for us both. When my boyfriend waits in another hotel room or in the hotel lobby he loves hearing his phone beep and knowing it’s me updating him on what’s happening and what this man is doing to me. He loves getting pictures of me covered in another man’s cum, that’s his favourite picture to receive.” From OMGKinky
You may think hotwifing is the same as cuckolding, but there’s a difference. With cuckolding, it’s more usual for the husband to be either ignorant on the wife’s dalliances, or he gets a kick out of being humiliated by the fact that she needs to seek sexual gratification elsewhere. In the hotwife and stag and vixen fantasy, the husband takes satisfaction from knowing that his wife is desired by other men and he allows it. Therefore adding a different power dynamic. With hotwifing, transparency is key and all parties get off of the kinky sharing fun.
In an article for the NY Post a couple explain why they prefer the description of stag and vixen rather than a cuckold. “It’s a description that suites us perfectly as there is no humiliation or denial involved,” explains Shane. “I prefer to be a voyeur, but occasionally, I’ll join in. Watching my wife with another man is a big turn on for me. It’s like foreplay. As much as I love watching, I can’t wait for the Bull to leave so I can ravish Susie myself”.
So just how popular is hotwifing and the stag and vixen fantasy?
While it seems to be growing in popularity on porn and sexual interest sites, we’ve found no real statistics to back up the information—rather anecdotal evidence and stories from those who just love this part of the swinging lifestyle.
There are several blogs and sites dedicated to the hotwife and stag and vixen fantasy. One couple not only share their bed but also their stories on their blog, Secret Vixen talking about their experience in becoming part of the hotwife lifestyle.
Through reading the two voices of the Secret Stag and the Secret Vixen it is clear that the adventure began from a place of love and deep mutual respect. For example, the first entry in the Secret Stag blog is all about how much he adores his wife and wants her to see how beautiful and attractive she is. After years of trying to give her compliments and her not quite believing them, he wants her to see herself as he and so many other men do.
“I needed her to understand the beauty she possesses, and the power she could so easily wield over men.”
The husband is the one who initially brought up the idea of sharing her as a vixen or a hot wife and he the stag. She finds herself getting turned on by the idea and they take the first steps into the hotwifing lifestyle. The first physical encounter though is with a mutual friend who happens to be female, not the traditional ‘Bull’ male. It is, for this Vixen at least, a more gentle introduction into the hotwife role. The couple seem to take it step by step, the first encounter with another man being a threesome with all parties present and the wife taking each man in turn until they have a spit roast together and all are sated.
After this, the couple decides they are ready to start with the vixen meeting bulls (who are thoroughly vetted and chosen by her stag husband ahead of time). The vixen finds it hugely exciting and naughty to be taken by another man with the full knowledge of her husband. The blog explains the notion of ‘reclaiming’ after she has had oral sex with a large cocked bull in his car. There is a moment of nerves for the vixen as she has swallowed his come, something her husband has never been privileged to. When she tells him, they have ferociously passionate reclaiming fuck where the fact that she’s gone further with another man, comes into play, making her feel like she might have overstepped but the resulting ‘reclaiming’ sex is hotter than hell.
I’m interested in finding out if the hotwife and stag and vixen fantasy lifestyle is as exciting and as popular as this blog suggests. I was delighted when Secret Vixen herself agreed to answer some questions:
How has the stag and vixen fantasy dynamic changed your marriage?
It has had such an extraordinary impact on our marriage and all in very positive ways. Our sex life has had a complete makeover. Before embarking on this lifestyle, my sexual appetite was almost non-existent, not through a lack of love or attraction for my husband but more due to low self-esteem and negative body image due to having a young family and struggling to return to pre-baby weight. My husband and I have always been incredibly close, something our friends have often expressed jealousy of but it has somehow brought us even closer and we find great enjoyment in our secret as no one would ever expect it of us.
What was the most thrilling situation of all?
For me personally it’s always the build-up. Having never really been single for an extended period of time, I very much missed out on the dating scene and had never been on a date with someone who wasn’t previously a friend. Therefore I missed out on those butterflies that one has when going on a first date. I’m certainly not complaining and feel very fortunate with my love life previous to marriage. I love getting to know a ‘potential’ bull and the anticipation of a first meet is exhilarating, not to mention the possibilities that it can lead to. Where ‘dating’ in the hotwife lifestyle differs to that of conventional dates is that there is no pressure. I’m not going out looking for a future life partner, I don’t feel like I have to conceal things to please. The ball is very much in my court.
Do you wish you had embarked on the stag and vixen fantasy lifestyle earlier?
I actually think that this has come at the right time. We’re coming up to 10 years of marriage and 14 years of being together. Our relationship is solid, something I’m so grateful for. Our family and careers are where we want them to be so embarking in the lifestyle hasn’t added any pressure to our marriage only excitement and a deeper level of unity.
Any regrets enjoying the hotwife lifestyle?
I’m happy to say no.
Any unexpected joys?
The acceptance we have felt. The main reason for the creation of my blog was that I knew I wouldn’t be able to share my experiences with my close friends. Whilst I consider myself to have an exceptional group of friends, kink is still very much a taboo subject – I was certainly never prudish but I had never watched porn or had any knowledge of kink other than the sensationalised examples seen in the media. My friends and I have often shared stories from our sex lives but the talk of threesomes was enough to raise eyebrows and lead to debate, the discussion of wife sharing would blow their minds! I, therefore, needed an outlet for me to talk about my experiences which is where my blog comes into play. I never imagined that others would find enjoyment from it and I certainly never thought that couples would come to me to express the transformative impact it had had on their own marriages. As a result of the blog and my twitter account, my husband and I have made some great friends; people we would never have come to meet if we hadn’t stepped down this stag and vixen fantasy path.
Have you ever met anyone on the scene you didn’t expect to?
Not at present but I feel as though I have a new ability to identify other possible hotwife couples when I’m out and about.
Is the stag and vixen fantasy lifestyle more common than we think?
Definitely! The number of people who have approached me through my website and blog, asking for advice as to how to embark on the lifestyle still astounds me. As I have previously said, it is very much a cultural taboo and is sadly unlikely to be ever truly accepted for a number of different reasons.
When you are having sex with another man, how does it differ emotionally? Like, in your head are you thinking about how you’re going to tell your husband about it? Or can you truly lose yourself in the moment?
I’m able to completely lose myself in the moment knowing full well I have my husband’s approval. I was shocked after my first encounter when I didn’t feel guilt but I had my husband’s full backing – this is not cheating as I share everything with my husband and he communicates with the bulls. He is the one who initially talks to the ‘potentials’ and he will pass them onto me if he feels we’d get along. He knows me better than I know myself and at this moment in time I’ve had only positive experiences. In terms of ‘does it differ emotionally?’ Very much so. When I’m with a bull it is solely about pleasure. I have often said that I feel there is a difference between fucking and lovemaking. That’s not to say that sex with a bull is completely animalistic, there is still a sense of tenderness and sensuality but it’s not the same as when I’m with my husband. If it were to be, this would be a red flag.
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to reverse the roles and have your stag go out to see other women and report back to you?
I have and it’s not something I personally would find any enjoyment with. On occasions when we have been with a couple, I didn’t feel any sexual gratification when I observed my husband with another woman and it sounds crazy but neither really did he. For my husband, the pleasure comes from watching me with another man. He often refers to me as being his favourite porn star.
How have you maintained the hotwife dynamic during lockdown?
Sadly I’ve maintained it only through conversation and whilst I have had very tempting offers from existing Bulls, I wouldn’t want to put my family at risk by having physical encounters. My family always come first and if I ever felt like the lifestyle was harming them, I’d walk away without hesitation.
I’m ready to be a hotwife, what next?
So just how do you introduce the hotwife dynamic into your relationship without making the other party feel diminished or ‘less than’ what you want? It can be a daunting prospect to voice your inner fantasies when you fear that it might ruin your relationship, which might be a perfectly happy one. Luckily here at FrolicMe, we can help with all sorts of scenarios played out for you to enjoy—it might be that by watching certain cheating wife porn together, you can then broach a subject more delicately. Does your partner get turned on? Does watching it or listening to an audio help with opening up your own vocalisation of your internal desires? Or is it enough to keep then in the realms of stag and vixen fantasy. Sometimes just exploring our fantasies, as just that—fantasy—can be enough of a fulfilling and exciting experience.
Then again, perhaps all the signals are eliciting the same reaction, you are both willing to take the tentative steps to explore for real.
As both the OMG Kinky and the Secret Stag and Vixen blogs highlight, the hotwife scenario can be a healthy way to explore your sex life together—the fact that you can be open with each other about your desires shows that neither of you are looking for something that doesn’t involve the other—you’re not sneaking off to find sexual fulfilment elsewhere, you’re looking tighter for an experience to share—and that is surely a good thing.
Perhaps he wants to see you fucked silly by a rampant well-muscled stud he could never be? Or maybe it’s seeing you own another cock as if it’s nothing, sliding your wet slutty pussy smearing your juices all over a sex toy male to be used and fucked. As long as all parties are adult, consenting, respectful and enthusiastic—sharing your Hot Wife fantasy adventure can be thrilling and really drive your relationship to the next level.