When you think of body positivity, what comes to mind? Plus-size swimsuit models? Saying affirmations in the mirror?
While body positivity can involve those things, feeling good about your body is about much more than liking how you look. It’s about appreciating how your body feels and what it does, including all the pleasure it can give you. And what better way to appreciate that than through masturbation and the effects masturbation has on the brain.
How masturbation helps body positivity
When you’re masturbating, you’re not performing for anyone. You’re not being watched by anyone (unless you decide to be, which is also fun). You can simply focus on the sensations—sensations available to you on your worst hair day, in your least sexy outfit, no matter what expression is on your face or what noises you do or don’t make or when (if ever) you last shaved.
Women who masturbate report more positive body image, according to a 2003 study in Psychology of Women Quarterly. (This was true, particularly for European American women; more research is needed to elucidate why the same results weren’t found for African American women.) The authors quote feminist sex therapist Leonore Tiefer: “Women need to move from experiencing their bodies as primarily the focus of comparison-based appearance appraisal to experiencing their bodies as ever-changing individualised sources of sensations and competencies.”
How masturbation helps our body insecurity
In a world where many women feel insecure about their genitals—one 2015 study found that a third of British adults felt their genitals were abnormal, and three-quarters of such people were women—masturbation can help you appreciate the pleasure your genitals give you without worrying about how anyone else perceives them. Some people even enjoy masturbating with a hand mirror between their legs because the sight of themselves getting turned on enhances their pleasure; they get to see their genitals in an erotic, arousing manner.
“Genitals come in all shapes and sizes, and porn can get a reputation for only showing certain kinds of vulva. At FrolicMe, we like to celebrate all body types and genitalia and love to show all people letting go and adoring their own bodies. Here are a few erotic film suggestions: My First Film or this one, Pantyhose – three women cavorting all with very different vulvas. Or the fabulous film Double Dip where the focus is all on the pleasure, not how the two penises and a vulva look! Get swept away in the lust for you.”
Develop a masturbation routine
Any part of your body can become part of your masturbation routine. When you incorporate breast massage into your self-pleasure ritual, you can feel great about the sensations your breasts and nipples produce regardless of their size or appearance. Some people enjoy stroking their lower stomach, and this can similarly help you appreciate your stomach even if it causes you insecurities.
Try giving yourself a full-body massage before masturbating: It’ll get you into the mood and also foster body love. For each body part you touch, think of something you appreciate about it, and touch it as if you are thanking it. Remind yourself that every inch of flesh on your body is another inch available to give you pleasure.
If you struggle with comparing your body to the bodies you see in porn, try looking for porn that is intentionally body-positive, such as FrolicMe’s Natural Vibes, Lady Garden film. Or, listen to audio porn or read erotica stories, and picture the characters however you’d like to. You can even imagine yourself in the scene as the star or the object of desire.
Or, create a scene in real life where you get to be the centre of attention. Mutual masturbation—masturbating in front of a partner—can be another way to foster body positivity. It can be very intimate to share your masturbation routine with someone, and the opportunity to be witnessed and approved of in our natural habitat can be very validating. Afterwards, you can ask your partner what they liked about watching you. Or take a video while you’re on your own and send it to them.
No matter how you do it, the mood boost you get from sexual pleasure can put you in a more positive mindset with regard to anything, including your body. Orgasms release the hormones dopamine and oxytocin, causing you to feel happier and less stressed. Think about it: Have you ever found yourself dwelling on self-critical thoughts right before, during, or after an orgasm?
To enjoy the benefits of pleasure for body image, consider journaling or just mentally checking in with yourself after a self-pleasure session. Write down or bring to mind the negative thoughts you usually have about your body, and ask what you might tell yourself instead. You may be surprised by how much easier it is to come up with positive things to say about yourself while you’re experiencing the afterglow of great solo sex.
Masturbation reminds us—especially women, who have often been socialised to please others—that our sexuality exists for us and nobody else. No matter how much your body adheres to societal beauty standards or how much your sexual skills resemble a porn star’s, you are still capable and deserving of pleasure.
Those with disabilities or chronic illnesses may also find that masturbation reminds them of the positive sensations their bodies can feel, even if they sometimes don’t feel good. For those with mobility issues or limited functioning, toys can come in handy, as can viewing the whole body as a sexual organ.
One last tip: To use masturbation as an opportunity to get in touch with your bold, confident side, consider creating an alter ego for yourself and stepping into that role during solo sex. Maybe this alter ego is a stripper who wears sexy lingerie; maybe they’re a dominatrix in bondage gear; maybe they’re a literal Superwoman. Ask yourself: how would this person dress, move, and touch themselves? Put on a little performance just for you.
And lastly, no matter what you do, remember not to judge the way you masturbate. Solo pleasure, after all, is the great equaliser. No matter who you are, what you look like, what your desires are, or what your relationship status is, there’s as much pleasure available to you as to anyone else. If that’s not proof that you are good enough just the way you are, I don’t know what is.