We often talk about ‘ethical porn’ in sex positive discourse, meaning porn in which the performers are paid fairly and treated well. Video, photos, audio porn, or erotica that you can enjoy as a consumer without worrying that you’re supporting toxic practices. But there’s more to an ethical porn experience than just knowing everyone who made it has been treated fairly: part of it is about ensuring that you are protected as a consumer too. Let’s talk about safe porn: what does it mean? And what should you, as a user, expect from safe porn sites?
One of the great benefits of getting porn and sex out into the open is as we remove the stigma that surrounds the genre, we begin to more nuanced conversations about it. I’ve been sex blogging since 2011, and when I started out most of the discussions surrounding porn in the media were focused on whether it was either ‘empowering’ or ‘harmful to women’—those were broadly the only two options. You can probably see why that’s a deeply unhelpful simplification of a complex and interesting topic: as with any media critique, the answer is always more complicated than a simple good/bad binary.
The discussion has come on leaps and bounds since then, and one of the ways that becomes apparent is in the fact that we are now able to discuss porn subscriptions from a consumer rights and expectations perspective rather than just a moral one. Sure, you don’t see lists of Porn Site Best Buys from consumer organisations like Which? (yet!), but people are now turning into more conscious consumers. A similar change has already happened in the sex toy sector: people who would previously have made do with poor quality dildos or toys made from toxic materials (when shame and stigma meant sex toys were cheap, rushed purchases made in secret) are now asking questions about the marketing claims on vibrator packaging, and comparing toy material to make sure what they’re buying is safe.
But what does ‘safe’ mean in the porn sector? What exactly should a safe porn website be doing to ensure it is meeting consumer expectations?
Safe porn: browse in confidence
One of the key things a safe porn site will give you is the ability to browse without being bombarded with pop-up ads or confronted with ‘download’ links that could take you to dodgy sites. When you’re on a ‘free porn’ tube site, the clutter of ads and links and pop-ups can be bewildering and often frightening. You don’t always know exactly what you’ll be clicking on, especially as many ads are deliberately designed to look like the rest of the buttons and video frames on the site.
This ambiguity happens for a reason, and of course, that reason is money: any website which offers you porn for free must make money somehow, and the chances are it’s making that money by selling your attention or your data.
Have you heard the saying, ‘if you aren’t paying for the product, you are the product’? That’s as true of a porn site as it is for any large social media site like Facebook or Instagram. When you visit a free porn site, you’re paying with your attention (so the ads you see need to be as eye-catching as possible) or your clicks (which is why some ads will try to get your clicks by tricking you into believing they’re part of the site itself). Sometimes, too, you’ll be paying with your data. If you subscribe to email lists or hand over personal details, it’s possible that those could be sold to marketing partners.
Most of what you do online is tracked, and almost every website will use analytics tools and cookies to track user behaviour. Sometimes this is to measure which scenes, articles and stories are popular or to get a feel for the demographics of their audience. Other times it might help to improve the site itself, for example, measuring the number of people who ‘bounce’ from a page (leave it immediately after arriving) can help website owners work out which pages need updating or improving with more relevant information. But a safe porn site—one that respects users—will always be transparent about this information, including information in the terms and conditions about what is tracked, as well as giving options for people to opt-out of certain types of data collection if they would like to.
Safe porn: transparency in practice, pricing and terms
Have you ever paid for something and then found you’ve been re-billed even after you cancelled your subscription? This is one of the things many people are wary of when it comes to paying for porn. They’re concerned that a website will either take more money from them than they’ve authorised or keep billing even when they’ve asked them to stop.
Another key concern is what will actually show up on your credit card statement if you subscribe. Although many more people are now comfortable with paying for their porn and will happily recommend their favourite safe porn sites to friends, some users do still value discretion when it comes to their bank statements. Whether it’s simply a preference or something more existential (for instance, some people might be in danger if they are ‘outed’ as a viewer of a particular type of porn), this need is something which any safe porn website should be ready to cater to.
If you’re not sure whether the site you’re about to subscribe to is safe or not, transparency is always a useful guide. Check the terms and conditions on the website, as well as the FAQs (if they have any). These should let you know in clear language exactly what to expect when you sign up for a subscription. For example, this is from the FAQs here on FrolicMe:
WHAT DETAILS APPEAR ON MY BANK STATEMENT?
Yes, we are conscious that we all need to ensure discretion is maintained and all that will appear on your bank statement is the name, Henry Evelyn and either of my payment providers, ie. CCBill or Epoch. There will be absolutely NO mention of erotica or frolicme.com.
If you’re struggling to find any information about the billing cycle, what will appear on your statement or info on how to cancel your sub once you’re finished, take a step back and ask yourself if this is a truly safe porn site that you as a consumer are happy to put your trust in.
Safe porn: user comfort and safety
This one is perhaps a little softer and less well-defined than the criteria above, but no less important, in my opinion. To me, a safe porn website means one you can browse without having to worry about triggering or dehumanising language, tags, framing and other similarly unpleasant peripheral distractions.
How often on a porn site do you find yourself having to tune out the background noise? Let’s say you’ve found an amazing threesome scene that you love, but the title of the video itself includes misogynist language, racist tropes or dehumanising copy? Online porn, after all, includes a lot more than just the porn video you’re focusing on at any given time. There are the titles, descriptions, tags on the video itself. Not to mention that there are often comments too, and any commenting system which allows a free-for-all involves some element of risk, especially for marginalised users who are at higher risk of coming across language that is specifically hateful or demeaning to them.
This kind of language has become a staple of a certain type of porn site—ones which assume their audience is white, male, straight and cisgender. What’s more, they’re also working on the assumption that their (white, male, etc) users aren’t going to be bothered by racist tropes or misogyny while they’re horny, so there’s no need to have a content moderation policy that keeps these things at bay. But while we’re talking safe porn, I think a truly safe porn site is one which anyone can browse without risking being triggered, traumatised or dehumanised.
It may seem odd for me to wrap this issue in with more practical consumer issues such as data protection and transparency, but respecting users in this way shows an important shift in where porn sits in our lives. No longer something confined to the shadows but a genre of entertainment that is recognised in the same way as others, like horror or romantic comedy. As porn starts to achieve welcome acceptance in this space, it’s only natural that consumers start to think of the websites and apps which provide it along similar lines to how they view Netflix or Disney+. It would be bizarre if Netflix adopted dehumanising (and often racist, misogynist, transphobic) language to label its TV shows and movies, so why should we tolerate that from a porn site?
What does safe porn mean to you?
Everything in life contains an element of risk, but for me, one of the things that separates a safe porn site from a risky one is whether the site owners have considered the user as a person in their own right. Are you being treated fairly, with transparency about pricing and clear information on what will appear on your statement and how to cancel? Is the website owner being transparent about where your data will be used? And above all, are they treating you like a person, not just a faceless product or credit card number? Porn is such an intimate form of entertainment, and in order to truly enjoy it, we need to be able to relax and know that we’re in a safe space. As consumers in other areas, we wouldn’t settle for less. Safe porn sites are ones which won’t try to make us settle for less just because the subject is X-rated.
