I’ve always had a complicated relationship with sex. I don’t have a terrible past or even a horrible experience I can pin this on. It’s just that it has taken me a LONG time to get to a place where I am able to orgasm. Or even derive any pleasure from sex at all.
I was late in “losing my virginity”. Yes, I put that in quotation marks, because I think it’s such a ridiculous notion. Virginity is a social construct. So let me rephrase that. I didn’t have sex with a partner until I was in my twenties. I don’t think that’s anything to be ashamed of. I was curious about sex—sure—but the right person never came along and then it became such a big deal in my head, so I kept putting it off. I tried masturbation—you can’t really go through university without experimenting at least a little bit—but despite it feeling good, it didn’t feel as amazing as my friends all made it out to be. I even tried sex toys but to no avail. Maybe I existed too much in my own head, or maybe I just needed that special someone.
I met Mike when I had started my first job. He was sweet and gentle and very patient with me. I think he was a bit intimidated that he was my first one. Although why that would be, I can’t understand. I didn’t have anything to compare his exploits to, so he should have been totally confident. We had sex a couple of times and I loved the intimacy of it. I loved feeling his hard cock deep inside me, the weight of his body pinning me down on the bed. I loved his hot kisses on my neck, my breasts. But despite his best efforts, I didn’t come even close to an orgasm. It just didn’t happen for me. I was fine with that, but Mike didn’t stop obsessing over what he had done wrong. It had become a matter of honour for him to try to make me come. So much so that it became an issue in our relationship. I liked Mike, but I didn’t like that he made me feel broken. He kept talking about all the other women he had successfully satisfied, all the orgasms he had dispensed as if a woman’s orgasm was somehow within his control.
Needless to say, we broke up. I didn’t want to feel broken. I wasn’t broken. Not being able to have an orgasm frustrated me, sure, but that...
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Read all about the wonderful author: Isabelle Lauren
You are very beautiful. I want to see your pics.
Waoo am seriously hard an big after reading this story