If you’ve recently watched our erotic movies, Number One and our female-only, Tantra Number Two, you might be thinking about tantra and giving the slow, sensual world of tantra-inspired sex a whirl.
So what is tantra?
Tantra is a Sanskrit term which means to weave, or even more lovely—to compose. Thinking about these definitions alone, you can feel a slowing of your intention, figuring out how to craft your experience. Tantric sex is a deliberate and meditative approach to the connection of sex to your mind, soul and body, the journey of intimacy and exchanging energies rather than the singular finale of climax. It might not even result in an orgasm at all, but rather a deeper connection with your lover where you can meet on a different plane of existence. Taking yourself out of the everyday grind and expectations that surround your usual routine can level up your sexual experience.
Taking tips and dipping a toe into the world of tantra can provide a gentle lift-off point to a different style of lovemaking.
If you’ve been curious but a little intimidated by what your Google search comes up with, let’s try here to take baby steps in our understanding of what a tantra-inspired sex session could be.
In essence, we’re describing long, slow, sensual lovemaking where you’re free to explore your lover’s body and energetic responses in a calm, deeply intimate, and intentional way.
Some practical ideas to make tantra work for you
1. Set the scene and plan ahead
We often talk about taking time to schedule sex here at Frolicme. Planning sex can be a game-changer for thinking about your lover in new ways. Visualising you and your partner trying out the new techniques you’ve been discussing can build anticipation and sexual energy far in advance. And because with tantra-inspired sex, you are very much dedicating time to this exploration, a certain amount of planning is essential. Finding a whole evening without distraction from family, diary expectations, and even the sense of guilt that can come with doing something just for you, is the first step in getting to this place of sensual freedom. Perhaps you can treat yourself to a night away in a lovely hotel, or maybe you’ve managed to get the kids off for a sleepover.
Once you’ve found the time and space necessary, take care to ensure your room or surroundings are conducive to a romantic encounter. Perhaps you and your partner could tidy up together, making sure you’ve got a clean comfortable space where you won’t be distracted by a discarded sock or towel. Sounds daft, I realise, but it can make all the difference. Especially if you or your partner is sceptical and any excuse to bail will be enough to stop.
2. Elevate your love nest
Using your favourite fragrances and candles, decorate your space with scents and sounds that turn you on. We all have certain perfumes that make us shiver with that olfactory and pheromone arousal, so try to seek out a candle or massage oil that contains that certain scent. Imagine how each of your senses will be aroused and ensure there’s something for each.
• Music: Choose some relaxing sounds to cast out the everyday, and be sure your playlist has no ad breaks or other moments that might draw you out of your experience. There are many playlists online, but again, plan ahead so you know it will be long enough and set the correct ambience. You might even like to get in the mood by listening to an arousing story together with some sexy asmr audio.
• Lots of soft pillows and blankets to make you feel cocooned in comfort. Towels and mattress protectors are a great idea to ensure massage oils or other fluids that might get spilt won’t spoil the moment.
• Temperature: It’s highly important that your surroundings are warm and draft-free to enable nudity and full relaxation.
• Hydrate! If your session is going well, you’ll want to have enough water or herbal tea close by to stay hydrated and alert for your new sensations.
3. Ready to begin your tantra-inspired session
Start by sitting comfortably opposite each other. Look into each other’s eyes and breathe fully into your diaphragms. Connecting your breath and simply gazing into each other’s eyes is already a deeply intimate act so take some time to establish this moment. It might be all you do, but it is a wonderful first step in strengthening that all important energetic connection.
Try to create a shared rhythm to your inhalation and exhalation to connect with each other’s ‘flow’. This synchronisation will begin to open up your energy to each other.
4. What is tantric touch and massage?
Once you’ve established your breathing and feel more connected, reach out and touch each other. Simply holding hands or placing a palm on the other’s chest to feel their breath and heartbeat is enough for now. Taking your lead from your building feelings, feel free to change positions to offer up different areas for attention. Taking the time to explore your lover slowly might result in discovering new and previously unknown erogenous zones, which is always cause for celebration. After caressing each other gently, you might progress to a full-body massage, using your whole body to stroke and massage your partner.
It’s definitely worth watching both erotic films for some ideas ahead of time. You could even keep the mood light by guessing what part is touching you where. Let yourself melt into the sensations by closing your eyes to focus purely on the touch. Using a good long-lasting massage oil or even a quality lube will allow your skin to glide so there’s just you and your body; everything else in your world just ebbs away.
5. Set your intention
This can be a simple as just wanting to gain a deeper connection with your partner. Slowing your movements down and focusing on just being in the here and now will more than likely turn from deeply sensual, to erotic, to downright sexual. Keeping this journey deliberately slow will strengthen the arousal and ultimately lead to some mind-blowing sex. You could think of this tantric-style sex session as a very long and tantalising spot of edging where you’re bringing yourself to the brink of release and back again, building the emotion and sensation again and again.
Because you’ll have warmed up your muscles and tendons you might find you’re able to get into more complex sexual positions. In Number One, our couple Nick and Venera explore the classic YabYum pose where their legs entwine, and they face each other, taking their connection beyond the physical and into highly erotic and orgasmic bliss. In this pose, the chakras are said to align, and you can share your lover’s breath as you gaze deep into their eyes.
Concentrating so fully on the moment will heighten your senses and bring you more in tune with your lover, enabling you to respond to each other’s bodies and emotions in new ways. It might feel overwhelming at times, so be kind to yourselves if you get a bit emotional. Equally, getting the giggles is no bad thing either! Going with the flow and letting the sexual intensity build over longer and longer periods could lead to a white knuckle full body shaking orgasm, and what’s not to love about that?
We hope you find this tantra-inspired sex session inspiring and a great excuse to slow things right down. Of course, there is so much more to this ancient practice; these tantra for beginners tips are to get you thinking about expanding your sexual repertoire and trying out new and varied things if you’re looking for more ideas to deepen your sexual/spiritual connection with your partner, take a moment to read our article on Mindful BDSM.