In this amusing article on the benefits of a little manscaping, lead writer PJA Woode shows that he has balls… and smooth ones at that
The one common feature with all the men in FrolicMe films is the fact that they have smooth balls. It simply isn’t cool to be hairy in the sack department these days.
While a razor is clearly one way of removing all the unwanted short and curlies from men’s dangly bits, it is hardly the easiest way of going about it. You need a steady hand and advanced skills in yoga to reach everywhere.
Increasingly, it’s not just the likes of the male stars who adorn these pages, but the ordinary guy in the street who is heading to the salon for the now infamous back, crack and sack waxing.
While I may be on the old side for such a trip to the salon, in the interests of research I decided to boldly go where my balls have not gone before and have the crack and sack bit of this treatment. I partly wanted to challenge myself, to see if I had the guts to do it, but I also wanted to see if the results would beat what I could achieve with a razor.
The first challenge was to find a salon that carried out waxing for men. As my phone calls soon revealed, while a lot did provide waxing services for guys, very few in the places around me offered this the service ‘below the waist’. But eventually I found a couple that did, that had loads of experience and would be happy to take me as a customer.
I opted for one not too far away and booked my appointment. But then the worries began to settle in. My first and I guess most obvious concern was the pain. Surely it would hurt like hell? Secondly there was the other obvious concern – what if I got an erection during the process? My embarrassment would kill me. And thirdly, what if I met someone I knew coming out of the salon?
This all proved a bit too much, so I phoned again and managed to ask the first question with some ease and was told that yes, it was bound to hurt, but if I trimmed the hair down there so it was fairly short this would help. And the wax used was the best there was for this type of treatment.
Asking the second question was much harder. I didn’t want the beautician, and by now I realised she was a charming woman with much knowledge of this procedure, to think that I was making the trip for all the wrong reasons. I skated about the bush (so to speak) and tried to ask the question without mentioning the ‘E’ word (or the ‘P’ word for that matter).
To her eternal credit, she took control of the conversation and broached the issue head on: “I should just add that many first-time clients are really worried that they may get an erection during the treatment, but I have done this on dozens and dozens of men and it very rarely happens. And if it does, we’ll just stop, I will cover it up with a towel, and wait until it subsides and then start again.”
So, with nerves calmed I was able to put everything to the back of my mind until the appointed day. That morning I did as suggested, and trimmed my balls with some scissors. And then headed off to get waxed.
As I opened the door to the salon, the nerves hit. There were a couple of female clients at the counter chatting away. I felt instantly that this was a very female environment and not one for a bloke like me. I was about to head straight out again when I recognised the voice I had heard over the phone. Without mentioning my name, she said: “Good morning! Shall we get started?” And with that she led me to a little room. She stood one side of a raised couch (I guess treatment table is the right ter,), covered with a sheet of thick tissue paper on a roll; I stood the other side. She smiled at me; I smiled in return. There was a long pause, before she said “ Well, I think you are going to have to take your trousers and pants off because I don’t think I can wax you through your jeans.”
I laughed nervously and removed first my jeans (which I hooked on a peg on the wall), and then my pants, which I decided to tuck into my shoes. Standing half naked in the treatment room was a distinctly odd feeling. I was then told to kneel on the bed, and part my knees. And then she started, slapping a warm (nearly hot) line of wax down the left side of a butt cheek and on to the back left side of my balls. She repeated the process, patted the wax it as it hardened and cooled, and then, grabbing the tip of the wax on the underside of my balls, teased it away from my skin and then – to my total surprise – gave it a sharp pull.
Bloody hell. That hurt. It was so sudden too. Were my balls left? Had she ripped them off too? I peered under my arms to check. Though I could not feel them – the pain had removed any feeling from that whole area – they were still there.
She then did the other side of my butt and the other side of my balls, before asking if I could roll over and spread my legs.
This was the worrying bit. My penis was on display and I felt it twitch. I suddenly realised that he beauty therapist was really rather attractive; she had beautiful eyebrows. My penis twitched again. I now began to think of anything really, really mundane; anything which might counter the early throb of an erection. Cleaning the muck out of the bottom of the wheelie bin – a chore undertaken the previous weekend – worked marvellously.
And as I was just beginning to relax, she started work on the upper side of my balls and then my shaft (I had not been expecting that bit, I hadn’t realised it was hairy at the base before). The pain now was bearable, and we began to chat about holidays – which, in my experience, is the staple conversation of hairdressers and their like.
Twenty minutes or so later I was done. The therapist passed me a mirror and I was able to see – from the weirdest of angles – that I possessed two very smooth balls.
I was then told not to go the gym for 24 hours, and avoid hot showers for the same amount of time. (Interestingly, she did not mention abstaining from any form of sexual activity).
I walked back to my car and while I did feel sore down below, it really wasn’t too bad.
That evening I did keep checking the whole area to ensure everything was well. It was a bit red, but that was all.
But the real treat was the next morning. I was woken with the most glorious of hard-ons, and as I explored my penis and balls with my hand, was overjoyed with the wonderful feeling of smooth skin. I had also suddenly discovered a whole new erogenous zone – my balls were super, supr sensitive. They felt amazing.
And so I am now a convert and have already booked my return trip. There is no stubbly regrowth as with a razor, and it lasts for weeks, too. I may be about £50 worse off, and I may suffer a fair bit of discomfort, but the end result really has been worth it. I have had the most enjoyable hair-free few weeks; it is great being a ‘smooth guy’. Now I just have to worry about my final fear – meeting someone I know, but with a bit of luck that won’t happen and if it does, well I am sure I can extricate myself from any problems – I have always have rated myself as a bit of a smooth talker!
Had any such experiences you might like to share? … Do tell would love to hear.