I wanted to share with you a piece written by one of my gorgeous, avid Twitter followers. It’s a personal interpretation of how she feels as a woman at a certain stage of life. It expresses in many ways feelings and situations I am sure many of you will recognise, I certainly did, and acknowledge how important it is not to loose sight of ones’ own sexual needs and desires when managing a busy family life. In her own words and unedited. It is called What Lies Beneath?
“A woman’s life goes through many phases; she begins life as a daughter concerned with being popular, fitting in and making her parents proud. Later she worries about her career; what it takes to be successful and proving herself to others. From here she is a wife; making her husband happy and creating the home. Then the greatest challange; becoming a mother. A role which will ultimately test her sense of self, often lost under a pile of nappies, behind the breast-feeding or somewhere in the playground.
But what becomes of her once these phases have passed? Once the fog of motherhood lifts, how does she find her sensuality? How does she maintain an interest in her relationship after all this time? This is a dilemma I know only too well. My life as a wife, a mother, a friend and a daughter is great but leaves me wanting; floundering somewhere between who I am and what I need me to be.
Early attempts to fill this void, for me, began with prolific Facebooking and a brief but successsful foray into comping but something was lacking. Clearly I needed more, much more. But what? As my social networking and comping progressed I found Pinterest and Tumblr. Here I stumbled upon the outlet I needed; erotica and imagery to inspire and tittilate, the catalyst for the next phase of my life.
My husband and I had discussed sex parties in our early 20s but although sexually liberated I did not feel it was something I could do. Now it was different; the idea not only appealed, it throbbed inside of me and would not go away. Would anyone want me? Could I expose myself so openly when I felt my body had changed since my youth and from having children? I had to find out.
Once a profile was established it was a matter of defining limits. This, of course, is harder than it sounds and requires some consideration. For me, I want to try a lot of things; parties both large and small, single guys and single girls. Everything. I see it as a sexual buffet where you need to taste what’s on offer before going back for more. Many fantasies are there to be discovered, lived out and in turn documented.
But this deep-seated need is in direct opposition to my public persona. As a professional woman, a wife and a mother, this must remain hidden. As such it has necsessitated the creation of a whole other me – an alter-ego where I can be who I want to be not what I am expected to be. But I wonder, how many more of us have the same need? The need to be wanted and desired. The need to be something for ourselves after years of being something for others. We all crave attention, surely? I cannot be the only one? I believe most of us have that need but some of us are unable to bury it inside anymore. .
While I stand at the school gates listening to the other mums talk about their lives, I sometimes fight the urge to scream. How can they remain content in a world of baking and book clubs? Do they not feel the way I do? Feel that they are ripe and if you find the right path you can feel more alive than you have felt in years. Every woman deserves to feel sexy, wanted and desired so if I can encourage anyone to explore what lies within I would be delighted. So for now, when my friends ask why I’m no longer so entertaining on Facebook I will remain coy, but I can’t help but think that maybe they might like to feel alive too?”