So what exactly is an orgasm? Sexual excitement starts in the brain when it becomes aroused by thoughts of sexual activity. Both blood pressure and heart rate rise, increasing blood flow to the genitals and nipples. The skin may visibly redden on the surface as excitement builds. As sexual tension rises, the whole vulva becomes engorged, swelling alongside the brain’s increased concentration on physical stimuli. As the woman crests the peak of orgasm, her uterus, vagina and pelvic floor muscles all contract rhythmically and then release the pressure, often sending a wave of warmth through the entire body. The surge of dopamine and serotonin created by orgasm then recedes dramatically, which is why people feel sleepy after sex—your brain needs some recovery time!
The female orgasm can often seem to be an almost mythical beast—many women find it difficult to achieve, and partners aren’t always the best at helping it happen. Male orgasm is a distinct event that generally heralds the end of the sex act (although it absolutely doesn’t need to), and it’s therefore too often accepted that male orgasm is the ultimate goal for any sexual encounter. Because of this, women often prioritise a male partner’s orgasm, seeing their own as the ‘cherry on the top’ of the sexy dessert—nice as a treat but not fundamentally necessary to the sexual act. Research shows that only 61% of women often or always have an orgasm when having sex with a male partner, to that of their male partners achieving orgasm 85% of the time, raising the issue of the orgasm gap between the genders. Interestingly, a wonderful 75% report achieving orgasm when with a female partner, which just goes to show that it’s down to technique more than physical anatomy.
In fact, it’s often the use of words such as ‘achieve’ that reinforces these issues, as they set a specific target that is all too easy to miss. And if we miss the target enough times, we begin to feel like a failure and assume that perhaps we’re not cut out for orgasms at all. But this is almost always incorrect—lack of orgasmic joy can almost always be improved with enough practice. When there are two or more people involved, the value of equal satisfaction for all is much more readily accepted these days, and most people with female partners really do care about making her orgasm.
Clitoral orgasm
We have discovered so much about the anatomy of the clitoris, which is much bigger and more complex than originally thought and is actually responsible for many, if not all, types of female orgasms. We’ll discuss this in more detail, but for this section, when we talk about ‘clitoral orgasms,’ we are really talking about stimulation of the head of the clitoris.
By far, the most common way for women to achieve female orgasm is via clitoral stimulation. The clitoris is the only organ dedicated solely to pleasure so it’s no surprise that 36% of women reported in an online study that they require direct clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm. Another 36.6% stated that clitoral stimulation enhanced their orgasms. It’s certainly the best place to start your orgasmic journey because the head of the clitoris is visible and easy to access. It sits at the top of the external vulva above the urethra. All vulvas are different, and therefore, so are clitorises. Some are nestled in between the labia majora and covered with a clitoral hood. Others might be more visible or protrude from the labia. And this is just the tip.
The clitoris itself is a much bigger organ than we often assume because only the very tip is visible externally. But backing up that little joy button internally is a pair of ‘legs’ called vestibular bulb which hug around the vaginal canal right towards the anus, and another set of ‘fronds’ called the crura that form a V around the vaginal opening and urethra. The clitoris is full of erectile tissue and becomes engorged with blood when aroused, giving a much bigger area of sensation than you might think. The head of the clitoris is also packed with bundles of nerve endings, all of which are ready and waiting to head off into sexual bliss if only they’re given the right stimulation.
The interesting thing about a rubbing clit orgasm is the difference in stimulation that each woman needs. Some like to rub down on the very top surface, whilst others would shriek (and not in a good way) at the over-stimulation. If you do find that your clitoris is too sensitive to touch directly, a good method is to slide a finger along either side of the base—pressing against your public bone—and wriggle your hand side to side. That way, you still wake up the clitoral nerves without touching them directly.
Sex toys are a fantastic way to aid clitoral orgasms, and most vibrators can be used to stimulate the clit. Even sex toys that are designed for vaginal insertion can also be used against the clitoris and they can be a game-changer for those with restricted hand mobility. Switch the toy onto its lowest setting, pop a little bit of lube on it to help it slide around and try holding it on and around the clit until you find the spot that works for you.
There are sex toys designed purely for a rubbing clit orgasm. These can be discrete and hand-held like a pebble toy or panty vibe or large like a mains-powered magic wand, which can deliver deep rumbly vibrations to induce some of the most knee-trembling orgasms.
Many women find that they get their best clit orgasm from using an air-pulse sex toy. These toys are becoming ever more popular and have a soft silicone ‘nozzle’ which nestles over the clit and vibrates it sonically without pressing down directly onto the flesh, causing a ‘sucking’ motion. Some women have even reported squirting while using these devices.
Vaginal orgasm
A vaginal orgasm is a female orgasm that originates or feels like it begins in the vaginal canal and radiates out throughout the vulva. It is most likely caused by stimulation of the internal parts of the clitoris that hug around the canal and engorge with blood during arousal, making them easier to stimulate. Vaginal orgasms will have an intense build-up within the internal muscles surrounding the vagina and then a release where involuntary spasming or waves of clenching and pulsing occur of these muscles. According to the research, 18.4% of women studied can orgasm from vaginal penetration alone.
It used to be thought that vaginal orgasms were somehow superior to clitoral ones, presumably because the assumption was that it was the male partner’s sexual techniques that were causing orgasms to happen rather than anything the woman was doing herself. These days we know that vaginal orgasms are actually still caused by clitoral stimulation—either directly, as a partner ‘grinds’ the woman’s clitoris down against her pubic bone, or by internal pressure on those clit legs that we discussed in the previous section. Of course, some women hit their orgasm courtesy of a helpful G-spot, a small area of highly sensitive nerve endings approximately halfway up the front internal wall of the vagina. Whether the G-spot even exists in every vagina is still a matter of debate, and evidence suggests it’s just another part of the glorious clitoris. It may just be that some women have such a small or unobtrusive one that it simply never gets stimulated—but if you do have one, then you can often feel it for yourself by lubing up a clean finger and sliding it inside and up against the front wall of your vagina. The G-spot will feel like a raised patch with a ridged surface (a bit like the surface of a shelled walnut).
Those women lucky enough to have a pronounced G-spot in just the right position for their partners to hit while having penetrative sex often report having full-body shaking orgasms without any external stimulation whatsoever. But every person’s body structure is different, and both the clitoris and the vagina can be in slightly different positions. Because of this reliance on compatible positioning, many women struggle to achieve vaginal orgasm.
Anal orgasm
The idea of orgasming directly from anal stimulation might sound unlikely, but it actually makes sense from an anatomical perspective. The pudendal nerve runs from near the coccyx and down through the pelvis, providing sensation to the anal canal and the perineum before heading off to excite the penis or clitoris. The skin surface around the anus is also packed with nerve endings, which along with the pudendal nerve, can be coaxed into providing intense waves of pleasure. Some of those who have experienced anal orgasm describe it as a deep and pulsing wave of gradually cresting sensation, whilst others say it feels more like a clitoral orgasm—as with everything about sex, all bodies are different and will get different results.
As with anal sex, anal orgasm needs to be approached carefully and gently. Whether you’re trying this alone or with a helper, it’s worth lubing up a finger and simply exploring to start with. The sphincter muscle will loosen naturally when it’s stimulated enough, so if things are tight, then you need to slow down and take it easier. It doesn’t matter which bit of the body you’re playing with. Foreplay makes everything better! Mental stimulation is as important as physical, especially with anal play—if you can relax into it, then it will be easier and far more enjoyable.
Think about what sensations can be achieved by slow strokes of the perineal/anal area and only gradually begin to insert your finger into the sphincter muscle. When you can slide a finger in and out without causing any discomfort, you can think about taking things a step further. It doesn’t matter whether the stimulation is coming from a penis, a strap-on or a hand-held sex toy. Slow and steady is generally the best approach. If anal orgasm proves elusive—and it is, for many people—don’t see it as a goal in itself. Just make the most of the sensations pouring from those excitable bundles of nerves and enjoy the ride.
Cervical orgasm
If your partner enjoys the sensations of deep penetration, then you might just be able to give her a full-body shaking orgasm simply by stimulating her cervix. Yes, you heard us right—far from being just another pelvic organ with little to offer in the way of physical sensation, some women report having intensely deep and powerful female orgasms that spread out from deep within the pelvis, purely from cervical stimulation during penetrative sex. Again, this is down to individual physiognomy—although cervical orgasm isn’t quite understood as yet, it’s suspected that it might be due to the clitoral ‘legs’ wrapping around close to the cervix, allowing stimulation to spread out from the clitoris itself.
Don’t forget that everybody’s body is different—for some, deep penetration is uncomfortable, and they wouldn’t find cervical stimulation arousing at all. Again, it’s all down to communication and discovering what each partner likes and dislikes before putting that knowledge to good use in the bedroom.
The keyword here is ‘deep’—pressing firmly enough against the cervix to create enough stimulation for orgasm involves very deep penetration indeed. This is a technique that needs a lot of build-up in order to achieve the deepest penetration possible without causing your partner any discomfort. Try starting with a rubbing clit orgasm in order to get both of you in the mood before switching to a position that enables deep penetration—doggy style is always good. Take things slowly—think about pressing against the cervix as you push in deeply rather than simply hammering away at your target.
Important note: Deep penetration is generally considered to be safe—so long as the person receiving is genuinely aroused and relaxed enough—but there are some instances when it isn’t advisable. The most obvious is during the latter stages of pregnancy, but some women may be prone to pain or bleeding from the cervix if it’s not treated carefully, pregnant or not. Such symptoms should always be checked out by a doctor, of course, but deep penetration simply doesn’t suit some people.
Erogenous orgasm
Erogenous zones are those areas of the body that are particularly sensitive to stimulation and which give sexual pleasure in return. The most obvious ones—other than the genitals themselves–are the neck, ears and lips (there’s a good reason why kissing is so much fun!), but some are less obvious. Some people like nothing better than a light, stroking touch across their armpits, whereas others would find it unbearably ticklish and hate every second. The lower stomach—between the belly button and the pubis—can be incredibly sensitive, particularly in women. Stroking, licking and kissing the skin in this area often arouses and excites the nerves into sending blood down to the genitals in preparation for what might come next.
Nipples in particular, are absolute hot spots for erogenous sensation. Some people report being able to orgasm, or nipplegasm, simply from nipple stimulation alone, so if you or your partner have particularly receptive nipples, it’s definitely worth investigating. Try licking and sucking gently and then more firmly, with occasional (careful!) nips with your teeth in order to give a spike of sensation.
Convulsion orgasm
If what you’re after is a full-body shaking orgasm, then it’s time to practise the art of holding back. ‘Edging’ is a term often used for the art of bringing either yourself or someone else precipitously close to orgasm but then retreating over and over again before finally allowing the sensations to peak and crest. The delicious mental and physical tension that can be created by such teasing builds up orgasmic sensation so that when release is finally allowed, the entire body will spasm convulsively.
The pelvic floor muscle supports the body’s lower internal organs and, in doing so, also surrounds the anus, urethra and either the vagina (women) or prostate (men). During sexual arousal, the muscle tightens up, so if orgasm is held tantalisingly close but not quite allowed, then tension keeps building—and when it’s finally released, the effects can be mindblowing.
To ‘edge’ either yourself or a partner, practice stimulating until just before the point of climax, but stop before orgasm is reached. Don’t let things cool down entirely, though—once that initial feeling of imminent climax has eased off, begin stimulating again. And again, and again… until finally continuing through to a thrashing orgasm that will have your partner howling in orgasmic bliss.
Squirting orgasm
A squirting orgasm is when the vulva experiences a release or gush of liquid at the point of climax. There is much debate about whether the fluid released is pee. Research tells us squirt fluid comes from the Skene gland, rather than the bladder. This would suggest that it is not urine. Just like male ejaculation it is expelled via the urethra but also like semen, it is made up of different fluids than urine though it does contain traces of urea. It can be an involuntary response to stimulation or sought out with sex toys and targeted moves. You may have heard of the ‘come hither’ motion where the index and/or middle finger massages the front wall of the vaginal canal in a firm curling motion. This stimulation of the g-spot area can cause the squirting orgasm. Some people see squirting as the pinnacle of the female orgasm and really enjoy it, for others it can be an inconvenience. With stronger and more sophisticated sex toy technology, squirting is becoming more possible for people. The air pulse sex toys in particular have been reported to induce squirting orgasms in people who otherwise thought they couldn’t experience them.
Blended orgasm
This is exactly what it says on the tin—a blend of two or more types of female orgasm, usually one internal and one clitoral. As so many of us find it easiest to orgasm through clitoral stimulation, it often makes sense to choose positions that allow external stimulation by either partner. The sensations from a clitoral orgasm increase the intensity of vaginal penetration, as it makes the pelvic muscles contract rhythmically around the internal stimulation. A blended orgasm is a really good way to increase a good female orgasm to a full-body-shaking orgasm!
Multiple orgasms
One of the bonuses of having a vulva is the potential to have multiple orgasms.
By definition, a multiple orgasm is when an individual experiences one orgasm, followed by a break, then as a result of continued or even renewed stimulation, another orgasm follows shortly afterwards.
Mixing up the different ways of achieving an orgasm would be a great way to explore and learn how to maximise on your orgasm count. By contrast, those with a penis generally have to wait for the body to cool down before attempting to orgasm again.
Sleep orgasm
Despite the undeniable physical effects, an orgasm is actually a process that begins in the brain. Some people may experience an orgasm during sleep. Whilst evidence of such usually presents itself as a wet dream for penis owners, for those with a vulva there may be no visible evidence.
More research is needed to explain the science behind non-waking orgasms. However, it is thought the extra blood that flows to the erectile tissue in all bodies during the REM stages of sleep, together with sexy subconscious thoughts, can be the trigger.
Breath orgasm
Achieving an orgasm this way can be achieved through tantric sex. Tantric sex is the practice of connecting sexually on a deeper level. Breath orgasms do not require any touch. The process involves an individual tapping into their breathing to encourage orgasmic waves to engulf them
Coregasms
Whilst a coregasm is available to men and women, mostly women have noted their involuntary ability to orgasm when they are working out. The pleasure release is commonly triggered during ab exercises or weight lifting hence the term coregasms.
This type of orgasm has everything to do with the contractions that occur in the cervical region during the activity.
Fantasy / Mental orgasms
We know that orgasms have a lot to do with what happens in the brain. The mind is so powerful, the ability to orgasm through thought alone is real.
Whilst this type of orgasm is a little less common than some of the others, fantasising deeply and perhaps incorporating some breath work as you do so, could be a great way of exploring this type of orgasm.
What does an orgasm feel like?
Orgasms can occur in many ways; how they feel would vary hugely depending on the individual. However, it is safe to say an orgasm could be described as a vaginal sneeze! Many women liken the feeling of tension followed by a euphoric release to that of a sneeze. For what it’s worth, both are reflexes, but an orgasm definitely feels better!
During an orgasm, your breathing changes. It may be deeper and slower or quicker and shallower. Your heart rate is likely to increase as the tension builds, and you may even feel as though your whole body is blushing. Your brain is treated to a surge of happy hormones, which include oxytocin and dopamine. These feel-good chemicals will contribute to you feeling relaxed, blissful and potentially even more amorous.
You may experience muscle spasms throughout your body, and you may feel a sensitivity to touch. One other common side effect is feeling sleepy afterwards.
If you do experience a combination of any of the above, it’s highly likely you are having an orgasm.