How to Make a Girl Cum – A Guide to Her Orgasm

Orgasms have got to be up there with chocolate and sunshine on any list of things most likely to make humans happy—and they’re free! Learning how to have really powerful orgasms isn’t just an immensely fun hobby, it can also improve our mental and physical wellbeing. Having an unfair reputation for being an unrealistic and possibly even unattainable goal, female orgasm is far easier to achieve than people often think. If you have a female partner, making her orgasm can often be the most intensely intimate thing you can do for her. And if you’re going solo, then finding new and different ways of hitting the Big O is an ongoing and exciting adventure.

In this guide, we’ll look at how the female orgasm happens on a physical level and how different forms of stimulation create intensely individual orgasms. There’ll be suggestions for ways to help your partner find the best orgasm-inducing positions for her and ideas for how to increase orgasm arousal for those who’d like to keep the fun times rolling.

Because of the nature of the article and in order to keep things succinct, references are generally on a male/female basis—but most of our suggestions apply to anyone with a vagina, regardless of orientation. And, of course, a partner doesn’t need to have a penis in order to make the most of our ideas! Anyone can learn to help out while making out, whether they have a penis, a strap-on or simply some nifty fingers.

Benefits of female orgasm

Sex really is one of the most fun, free activities you can indulge in. As well as the mental and physical release of orgasm, sex itself can be both a bonding act and an escape from the drudgery of daily life. Thinking about how your partner feels against you and how you can send them into shivers of desire simply by touching them is an enormous confidence boost and also reinforces your mental connection.

Orgasms are good for you, and that’s a scientific fact. Orgasms can potentially relieve pain, strengthen your pelvic floor and even increase body confidence. Sex in itself has proven health benefits, both mentally and physically—if you have a female partner, then making her orgasm is one of the best things you can do for her. Good sex can roll away stress and make even the most tense person relax—and orgasms are even better.

Studies have shown that brain neurons light up like a disco whilst experiencing a female orgasm. The increased blood flow to the nervous system helps to keep everything in tip-top shape and can even help to improve the immune system. Vasopressin is a neurotransmitter produced by the brain that helps the sleep process, and its production spikes during orgasm. Along with oxytocin, which is often called the ‘love drug’ because of its ability to boost both mood and feelings of affection and which is also sent shooting into the nervous system at the point of orgasm, vasopressin is an all-round feelgood boost.

Dopamine is the brain’s own built-in reward system. If you do anything pleasurable—from eating chocolate to buying new clothes—it’s dopamine that gives you that feeling of having treated yourself. And dopamine sees orgasm as even more worthy of reward than a fancy pair of shoes, dropping a hefty dose every time that peak is reached

What happens during female orgasm?

Through the dedication of sex researchers such as William Masters and Virginia Johnson back in the 1950s, a four-step model giving an overview of what happens during female orgasms, was created. And whilst some of the research that followed have challenged the model, it is still useful in that it acts as a basic indication of what one could expect.

The original Masters and Johnson model detailed the following stages of sexual response:

1. Excitement: Arousal and desire begins to build once sexual stimulation has begun. Blood rushes to the vagina, clitoris and nipples and an increase in dopamine and serotonin floods the brain.

2. Plateau: The vagina continues to become engorged with blood. Heart rate and blood pressure increase, and so does breathing. Sexual tension is now mounting.

3. Orgasm: The vagina, the pelvic floor muscles and the uterus contract. The contractions can spread through the body along with a warm, feel-good sensation.

4. Resolution: This is where the heart rate, blood pressure and breathing return to normal, and the body relaxes.

Some of the criticism levied against the model and its supporting notes includes the comparison of vaginal lubrication to that of penile erection. However, it is now understood that the clitoris makes for a more likely comparison as it is a much bigger structure once realised and absolutely full of erectile tissue.

The reality that women are more likely to want to continue to be stimulated once they are fully aroused leads to questioning whether the Excitement phase and Plateau phase work in reverse for women.

And probably one of the biggest pushbacks is that the model suggests one has to move through all stages before starting over. Yet, research has proven that a woman can find herself back at stage 2 immediately after stage 3 without going through stage 4 – the Resolution stage.

Techniques for a powerful female orgasm

There are many different ways to produce powerful orgasms in women and people with vulvas and what works for one might not work for another. Half of the fun is in exploring your partner’s desires and needs and building on those techniques to get the best results. There are endless toys available to increase sexual pleasure, but of course, it’s also absolutely possible to create powerful orgasms using only your fingers and/or mouth.

Oral sex

Oral sex is the stimulation of the genitals by the mouth, lips and tongue. Oral performed on a female is also known as cunnilingus or giving head.

This one is top of the orgasmic list for a very good reason—if you put enough effort into your oral technique, you’re all but guaranteed ground-shaking results. Of course, there will always be women who don’t like the idea of allowing a partner’s mouth near their genitals, and if that’s because they simply don’t enjoy the sensation, then of course, that’s fine. However, if it’s because they feel it’s somehow ‘icky’ then by all means, do your very best to convince them that you’d like nothing better than to rest your head between their legs for as long as it takes and reassure them that the taste and scent of their most intimate parts are sure to get you as excited as they are. Shame around the genitals is deeply ingrained, so should be treated sensitively and with understanding. We’ve got a lot of work still to do on our sex-positive and body-positive journey, but through exploring sexual pleasure together and alone, we can really make a difference.

As always, personal technique is less important than learning what your partner likes—and this certainly doesn’t have to be a formal discussion. If you begin by licking, sucking and (gently!) nibbling at their vulval area, your partner is sure to let you know what they most enjoy simply through the way they move and how they verbally react. Listen out for the moans of satisfaction or excited tensing of muscles and if you’re getting a really intense response, just keep on doing what you’re doing! Women, in general, take longer to reach orgasm than men, and this is equally the case during oral—commit yourself to stay down there for as long as is needed and make her feel as though she’s the tastiest snack in the world.

While some women might be very vocal when they are reaching their climax, others might retreat into silence, using intense concentration to get them over the tipping point. So if there is a sudden quiet and stillness, chances are you are hitting a very perfect sweet spot. Unless she signals otherwise, do NOT stop or vary your technique in any way. She might be on that silent brink, ready to fall into the most mind-blowing female orgasm she’s ever had.

Grinding

Grinding to orgasm is often one of the first ways that women and vulva owners discover the pleasurable feelings associated with sexual stimulation. It might have happened by accident when you were younger and snuggling up against a pillow or straddling the bench, but these feelings can translate into understanding how to grind your way to orgasm. In essence, you’re humping or grinding something between your legs to stimulate your clit and whole vulva. Many women need this full vulva massage to bring them to orgasm, and it’s a technique well worth trying out if that happy accident of youth passed you by.

If your partner finds a rubbing clit orgasm the easiest to achieve, then grinding might well be for you. If you can get the angles right, it’s possible to keep pressure on the clitoris whilst having penetrative sex. Whether you have a penis or are using a strap-on, push as deep as you can get and stay there—the aim is to grind up and down rather than in and out. The art is in keeping your pelvic bones together to stimulate externally whilst also keeping up the internal pressure. There are many sex toys available that fit around the base of the penis or strap-ons that have textured surfaces in order to increase the friction and, with it, the stimulation.

Less technical equipment might be riding on a cushion, or pillow, or your partner might even enjoy straddling your thigh and grinding herself to a rubbing clit orgasm there.

Use your fingers in a Vulcan V

As we’ve previously discussed, many women need direct clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm during penetrative sex and for obvious reasons, positions that leave the clitoris accessible are key. Try kneeling in the ‘doggy’ position, with her legs splayed slightly on either side of yours. If you lean forward and rest your weight on one hand, you can use the other to reach around and stimulate her clitoris as you penetrate from behind. Alternately, if your partner enjoys anal stimulation, this is the perfect position from which to gently insert a lubed finger.

If you’d rather have a clear view of what’s going on—and eye contact can undoubtedly be one of the sexiest things about penetrative sex—then sit back on your heels and pull your partner onto your penis or strap-on with her legs wrapped around you. This way, she can lie back comfortably, and her clitoris will be ready and waiting for your attention.

If she wants to take control of the situation, then the cowgirl position can be ideal. Lie flat on your back, and when she’s settled herself on top, slide your fingers into a ‘V’ shape with two fingers on either side of the base of your penis. You don’t need to do anything at all, just let your knuckles provide extra sexy bumps for her to grind against as she rides you.

Sex toys aid in reaching a female orgasm

Sometimes, the simplest—and often quickest—way to a full body-shaking female orgasm is to bring sex toys into the mix. We’ve mentioned a few already, but the choices are endless. Think about what turns your partner on the most.

Vibrators are the most obvious choice for most people. The choice of design and/or vibration is massive these days and caters for everyone from absolute beginners to pro-level experts. Many are designed to be used during penetrative sex and will fit in and around both partners’ bodies with the aim of bringing erotic joy to all involved. And don’t forget that even vibrators that are designed for insertion can always be used for external stimulation instead—try switching it to a low steady rumble and pressing it against her clitoris or anus.

Dildos come in all shapes and sizes—not only can they be used internally whilst you’re busy paying attention to her erogenous zones, they can also be used in either the vagina or anus whilst having sex for that double penetration sensation.

If this sounds all a bit too intense, then butt plugs can give the same feeling of double penetration but in a more subtle manner. Inserting a butt plug also increases pressure inside the vagina, which in turn provides extra stimulation for both partners during penetrative sex. If your partner has never used one before, start small and build up. Ask them to tell you how it feels and what they want, and never forget that if they say that it’s uncomfortable, they’re not ready. Go back to the personal touch with your fingers and a generous dollop of lube, and try again when they’re feeling more receptive.

If your partner is a fan of nipple stimulation, clamps can provide a sharp but steady sensation. The sudden return of blood flow when they’re removed sends a tsunami of sensation through the nipples, so if you time it for when she’s nearly there, it can be enough to send her right over the edge.

Hit her G Spot

The G-spot is a small area of highly sensitive nerve endings approximately halfway up the front internal wall of the vagina that can enhance or even induce orgasms if stimulated in the right way.

If your partner is lucky enough to have a receptive G-spot, then you can adapt your technique and position in order to hit it in just the right place to give her incredibly powerful female orgasms. Remember that the G-spot is about halfway up the front internal wall of the vagina, and you may notice a slight change in texture—there may be an area that feels more raised or spongy, or just slightly different from the surrounding flesh. Some of the positions we’ve already discussed work well here—get your partner to sit in the cowgirl position and lean backwards slightly in order to increase the pressure from your penis. If she’d rather you took charge, then you can double up the clitoral and G-spot stimulation. Sit back on your heels, pull your partner slowly onto your penis with her legs spread wide and get her to lie right back. Drop some lube onto her clitoris and stimulate with your fingers whilst allowing the angle to press your penis hard up against her G-spot.

Nipplegasm

Whilst many women enjoy the feeling of their breasts/nipples being played with, it is not always something that is done with the aim of achieving an orgasm.

The truth is oxytocin is released through nipple play which in turn prompts an increase in blood flow to the genital area. This could trigger an orgasm if done for long enough.

To achieve a “nipplegasm“, similar to a clitoral orgasm, experimenting with licking, sucking, nibbling and pinching is the way to go.

Use lube

You might have noticed that we’re keen on lube throughout this article—and that’s for very good reason. Vulvas don’t all get wet at the same rate (or at all) and it’s no reflection on either them or their partners. Age and health issues are only two of the many possible reasons for vaginal dryness, and they shouldn’t be a barrier to sexual satisfaction for either partner. Adding lube also increases many women’s chance of reaching her orgasm, as it allows for intense stimulation without any uncomfortable friction.

Whether you think you’ll need it or not, it’s worth keeping some lube on hand just in case.