So now on to our anal for beginners guide on how to do anal for the first time. As we’ve already mentioned, preparation is key, but so is being sure that this is something you want to try. Watching erotic films featuring anal is a great way to test out your appetite for the practice, so too with reading erotica based around anal, or immersing yourself in some audio stories featuring the act. Audio might be a great way to get yourself in the mood while you prepare.
How to do anal for the first time
You might think discussion and planning kills spontaneity, but having anal for the first time is one instance you do not want to skimp on this area.
Planning as part of the build-up
- Discuss what you’ve been using to turn yourself on if you’ve watched a hot anal film or read a particularly hot story.
- Use this time to get in tune with your own desires and preferences.
- Start incorporating anal exploration into your masturbation time, especially if you enjoy self-pleasure in the bath or shower, you might find a stray soapy finger finds its way to your bottom as you lather yourself up.
Let’s look at these stages in more detail.
Talk to your partner
You might have already brought up anal sex during a hot bout of dirty talk, or sexy texting. But let’s be real — talking about fantasies is often a whole different thing than actually bringing them to life.
Broaching the subject and introducing something that you may or may not have discussed as a fantasy and bringing it into your shared reality might feel very daunting.
One way to test the water is to watch some sexy anal films together and talk about your respective reactions. “Does that turn you on? I’d like to try it, would you?” Read them a passage from a story that got you hot. Most people have heard of anal sex and probably explored the thought in their minds already, it’s just a case of being brave and vocalising your desires. If your partner categorically says no, they don’t want to try it at all, you must respect their boundaries. You might be able to talk again in the future, but a no means no. Don’t worry though, if the thought of tickling your own fancy appeals, there’s nothing stopping you from exploring your own body through anal masturbation and solo pleasure.
Even if your partner isn’t into this particular sex act, the fact that you’ve opened up a discussion and navigated a conclusion has already brought a new dimension into your communication. Intimacy is built on good communication, so never be disheartened if things don’t quite happen the way you hoped. Sowing seeds of desire and entrusting someone else with your inner fantasy world builds deeper bonds. And give your partner time too, they may just need to let the information absorb and percolate for a while, so don’t push it or be disappointed.
But what if they say, “YES! I’ve been waiting on you to ask me about that!” They just couldn’t find the words themselves and are now very excited about the next steps in your erotic anal journey.
Keep talking to establish what you consent to—whether that’s using toys, fingers or penis, condoms and the type of lube. Have fun picking them out online, and treat yourself to some sensual items which will enhance the atmosphere and get you both in the mood. Yes, we’re talking bubble baths, candles, music, the lot! But also, some good lube, condoms and even room odorizers.
Prepare
As we’ve already mentioned, part of how to do anal for the first time successfully includes preparing yourself physically and emotionally. You’ve discussed and agreed your boundaries and desires with your partner, now it’s time to get that bottom anal sex ready.
Avoiding mess
You can’t eliminate everything, but you can make it more pleasant for yourself and your partner. Have a shower or bath before and have a good wash around your bum and anus.
Avoid heavy or spicy meals leading up to the occasion, and you might want to postpone if you have an upset tummy.
Using an anal douche might go a long way to giving you confidence about your bum, so might be worth a sloosh! Anal douching is the act of squeezing water into your rectum and essentially flushing out any residue sitting inside. Be sure to be sitting on the toilet for the evacuation.
An enema is like an anal douche but much more of a rigorous clear-out. It uses a larger volume of water and some people use enemas as part of their pleasurable sexual play.
Having wet wipes close by is a good idea and keep lots of tissue ready for all the lovely lube and bodily fluids too!
Start slowly
Easing in to ease in is the name of the game here. Taking a long hot bubble bath can be a great way to relax those muscles and open up. You could even prepare while in the water by using a slim butt plug to practice with when you’re at your most relaxed and pliant.
Taking everything slow is the best way. After a relaxing bath, you might like to try a massage to heighten the erotic experience. Have your partner concentrate on your upper thighs, lower back and buttocks, caressing and massaging them, perhaps sliding a finger in between your cheeks every now and then to work in the lube or massage oil. Remember to use oils and lube that are compatible with any condoms or sex toys you might be using. For example, silicone lube might corrode silicone toys and oil based products will dissolve latex condoms, so do your research.
Back to the erotic massage. Use firm but long and sensual strokes to give your partner confidence and help them to feel safe and cared for. Massages are a great way to build an erotic bond and enhance intimacy and this is a time that calls for both.
Sliding the tip of a finger into the anal dip and rubbing around is a great start and you can gauge how receptive your partner is by how they are responding to your touch. If they are tensing their butt cheeks together and pressing into the bed stiff as a board, they might not be ready for this touch. Keep reassuring each other by asking if they are enjoying what you’re doing or asking them to tell you it they want more.
If on the other hand they are squirming around, sighing and groaning, lifting their ass up to meet your fingers, you are probably delivering a very lovely sensation. Spreading someone’s ass cheeks is a very intimate act and if they reach around and help, that’s a very big non-verbal signal that they are happy with what you are doing.
Rimming
You might be tempted here to lean in and give your partner some analingus. Rimming is stimulating the anus with your tongue and mouth and can be incredibly pleasurable. The tongue probing in your ass might feel enormous and invasive so make sure to flatten it out as well to intersperse the tongue poking with some long lavish lapping.
Rimming is a great way to warm up the sphincter muscles and ease them open.
Once the sphincter is yielding to your touch and your partner is ready, you could place the tip of your penis, or strap on to the entrance, ensuring it is thoroughly lubed up.
Lube up
Lube is the difference between good anal and painful anal so invest in a quality brand that you’ve used before or been recommended, either by reviews or personally by an expert or friend. Choose one aimed specifically at anal sex for reasons we’ve discussed earlier and apply liberally.
We advise against using a numbing gel or lube as tempting as it may sound, as you may push further than your body is ready for if you can’t fully feel the sensation. This might cause some tearing or fissures that you might have otherwise avoided by listening to the pain signals and taking things slower, adding more lube and learning to relax.
Get on top
You might think that good old doggy style is the best position, but for anal for beginners might be better to try something else first. If the person receiving the penetration straddles the giver, it might make them feel more in control. Kneeling over your partner and using your hands to guide their penis or strap on to the entrance of your anus might give you more control. Being able to hold the penis in place while you move back on it will ensure no sudden movements have you clenching or flinching.
Once you have the correct angle and you’re ready to press back, take a breath and then release it slowly, pushing down and allowing your back passage to open up. In first time anal, your instinct to clench and tighten up with be very strong, so be patient with yourself. Leaning forward and lying on your partner’s chest might make for some reassuring back stroking and cuddles, and this is a great position if you’re nervous or shy about the visuals. Neither of you will be able to see what’s going on, just feel and give yourself over to sensations. In this position you could also look into each other’s eyes or simply relax your head down and focus on what’s going on between your cheeks.
As you feel the initial stretching of your bottom you might be surprised at how big the head of the penis feels. Again, this is due to the sheer amount of nerve endings there. Keep breathing deeply, and even bear down as if you’re opening up for something passing through in the opposite direction. This will really allow the butt to yield.You actually have two rings of muscles in the sphincter, the first, external one is easier to control and pass though, but the second internal one might be unexpected and therefore take a little longer to relax.
Once the tip of the penis head has breached your hole, you can take as long as you like to just settle there, fall into the feelings and let each other know how you are enjoying it. Keep checking in.
“Can I push deeper? Is this nice?”
When you are fully open and you feel the first part of the head pass into your rectum, keep making sure the lube is plentiful. From this position your partner might even be able to drip more lube down your crack, but make sure it’s warmed up first!
Taking things slow at this point is the main focus, once you start inching back, sliding deeper, the sense of excitement and achievement might grow.
You might pulse gently, easing deeper each time, perhaps elongating the pause into a small thrust… continue this until you feel confident enough to slide right down to the root of the penis.
Once you are there, having released your hand around it, you can start to revel in the sensations. Let yourself enjoy and absorb the new feelings. If you have a vagina, take a feel at how wet you are, rub your clit, and witness how turned on you are. If you have a penis, you might be having the delicious sensation of having your prostate gland stimulated. Just to the front of the inside wall of the rectum, the prostate is known as the male G-spot or P-spot, and can elicit incredible orgasmic sensations. Some people can come through prostate stimulation alone.
Relax
Trying anal for the first time, even with all of these tips can still lead to nerves. Setting up your environment to induce a relaxing vibe will really help you to unwind and get you in the headspace for letting yourself go and getting deeper into the sexual zone. Giving yourself over and allowing yourself to just be in the moment will help to release tension and can help you to even achieve orgasm from anal sex. The intensity of an anal orgasm is well worth the effort, so giving it a try and even if it doesn’t happen, you’ll be more connected to your own sensuality and your partner’s. Getting into relaxed state will most certainly make your first-time anal experience easier and more enjoyable.
Safe anal sex
To get the best and most carefree anal sex experience, you want to ensure your play is as safe as possible. This includes physical and emotional issues.
Because the rectum and colon are designed to absorb nutrients as part of the digestive tract, (think of administering medicine anally) it stands to reason that STIs will be more transferable from the penis to the bottom this way. Condoms are advised, not only to stop contracting of STIs but also for hygiene. If you and your partner are clear on each other’s status and have regular testing, make sure you have discussed this thoroughly.
Some infections that can be sexually transmitted through anal sex are:
- Chlamydia – an infection with barely any initial symptoms, which can lead to more serious infections if not treated quickly with simple antibiotics.
- HPV – Human papillomavirus group of viruses which are very common and some types can cause genital warts or some cancers including cervical. There aren’t any obvious symptoms apart from genital warts so another difficult one to detect. In the UK, young adults are offered the HPV vaccine, which is advisable to get as there’s no treatment for HPV infections.
- Syphilis – symptoms can include sores and ulcers around your genitals and backside. It’s advisable to seek medical advice as soon as possible for this infection as it can lead to serious complications if it spreads to the brain and other areas. A course of antibiotics should do the trick.
- HIV – is an infection which attacks the immune system causing it to break down over time, allowing serious infections and illnesses into the body. While there is no cure, it can be controlled through medicine which are being improved all the time.
- Hepatitis B – is an infection of the liver which is caused by a virus spread by bodily fluids. The UK now offers vaccines to high-risk individuals and newborn babies.
How to improve anal sex
You’ve mastered to joys of anal sex, achieved some delicious new experiences and intense anal orgasms, but you want to take things even further—there’s always room to enhance and improve anal sex to make it even more enjoyable.
Use toys
Using sex toys is an incredible way to intensify the pleasure and almost guarantee an orgasm every time. Some people might feel their technique is being questioned if sex toys are brought into play, but nothing could be further from the truth. Sex toys enhance the whole experience. We’ve discussed a few techniques and positions that can benefit from some extra stimulation, so here’s a quick overview.
NOTE: If you are using toys anally, they MUST have a flared base which is wider than the ‘neck’ of the toy. As mentioned before, the sphincter is a very strong group of muscles which will close around anything so if you’re not careful, especially with all that juicy slippery lube around, your toy could get sucked up where the sun don’t shine and disappear from view. The sphincter will close behind making it very difficult to retrieve.
We do NOT want to scare you, just inform you so that your anal sex experience is the best it can be with no unexpected hiccups.
Butt plugs
Butt plugs are a great way to prepare your behind for anal sex. You can practise by yourself to get used to the sensation, and use them as your main anal sex experience if you like. Twisting them gently while they are in position can make for a very thrilling sensation. The other great thing about butt plugs is that you can wear them anytime. You could even wear one before your planned anal session and get yourself and your partner all worked up, making foreplay last the whole day. Butt plugs also enable both parties to get in on the anal action, as the giver can also wear one to enhance their pleasure. As mentioned, if you have a prostate gland, it will very much appreciate the stimulation a butt plug can offer.
Clit stimulators
Clit stimulators come in many different forms and are designed to give clitoral orgasms—which are very intense during anal sex.
Styles include:
- Pebble-style buzzing vibes to rub on the clit.
- Large headed wands to deliver full deep rumbly vibrations which can resonate through the pelvic basin to offer both partners those delicious vibes.
- Air pulse toys have little nozzles that cover the clit head and deliver a sucking motion to cause intense orgasms, combined with anal stimulation. We recommend having some towels ready if you’re combining this particular toy and anal, as many people report being able to squirt during air pulse play.
- Dildos and vibrators: if double penetration is up your alley (!) you could have a lot of fun with introducing a dildo or vibrator. The feeling of fullness can be very intense and exciting and you might find your orgasm builds very quickly. Having your partner use a remote to control the sex toys can lead to a very exciting power exchange.
Stimulation
Stimulation in other parts of the body can really arouse and enhance the experience, particularly for women who often respond to erogenous zones being touched. Nipple play, clit play and nibbling the back of the neck can be a perfect recipe for a very deep and sensual female anal orgasm. This would be good in any position where the giver is hands-free and behind their partner. For example, the lap dance, spooning, and even doggy style would be great for stimulating other areas of the body.
Double penetration
As briefly mentioned on our best anal positions section, you might be hoping for some double penetration. Double penetration can be achieved with having penis-in-vagina sex with a butt plug inserted at the same time. The butt plug will give a wonderfully full sensation but will also stimulate the penis through the vaginal walls.
Penis in bum, dildo in vagina—again, giving that beautifully full feeling which will be sexy for both parties.
Solo DP is easily achievable with two dildos. Ensure the one in the anus has a flared base, we recommend a suction base dildo you can lower yourself on to—two even.
If you are craving double penetration with two real penises, a threesome might be in order. This sounds like a recipe for a deeply sensual experience and almost guaranteed anal orgasms. Give the two penis owners a butt plug and oh my goodness, it’s anal orgasm heaven!
Conclusion
Once you’ve introduced anal sex into your relationship and experienced the intensity of anal orgasms and the joy and intimacy that comes with them, there will be no stopping you. Intimacy and deepening your trust with your partner impacts way more than just your sex life. Your life together can benefit from deeper understanding and the knowledge that you have it within you to give each other the most intense, mind-blowing sexual experiences.
We hope this guide on how to do anal sex has inspired you to give it a try