My heart in a spin … what had I done?

Hmm the thought of seeing him again was very exciting, but the reality of him coming over was beyond what I needed. I knew at this point that I had to think sensibly and clearly. My fun was thrilling and it hadn’t caused harm, so far. But it was the first time that I realised, I had to be conscious of what I did next. It was great having all this horny fun, it made me feel alive. But complications no, I wasn’t after that. Nor was I looking for another partner or relationship, I had what I needed here at home. But yes, its true I was enjoying that buzz of fun and excitement. But it was purely sexual, mixed with fantasy, pleasure and I was enjoying being sexy. But seeing him again, no it couldn’t happen, he had to remain in my fantasy world and in France. So I was clear in my head and happy, enough was enough. My life was going to be as it had been.

Why then did another text land, just as my head was clear? My instant thought was its length and aspects I couldn’t fully understand. I was instantly in a spin and all control had gone, I was so excited and had to know what he was saying. Without thinking I was straight onto Google translate but on my laptop. That was pretty fatal, seconds later…. OMG my heart leapt again but this time it was because my husband was standing right behind me while I was absorbed translating the long message. How can you act normally when you are caught in this position? I felt sick, I must have looked it but tried to remain calm. He must have wondered what I was doing, and why a French translation? At the time I didn’t know if he could see the words on the screen ….. “kisses …. How can I see you again, how can we meet in the UK”…. Now I needed to know what was going through his head, what was he thinking at that point? Does he know I am texting a French person? Panic… my next thought was ….should I delete my texts? Would he look on my phone? The second time that day I realised all of this sexual titillation had gone too far. Now questions were going to be raised? How do I explain all of this so he could understand how I felt? …

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