Sex educator and pleasure journalist Tatyannah King shares some great tips and her own personal sexual explorations to advise us all on how to improve the quality and strength of our climaxes. It’s easy to fall into habits and the old, ‘if it ain’t broke’ mentality but Tatyannah urges us to stay sexually curious and reap the gloriously satisfying rewards for doing so.
Stronger orgasms? Yes please!
People commonly say that an apple a day keeps the doctor away, but an orgasm a day certainly has its benefits too. In addition to more frequent O’s—stronger O’s, different types of O’s, and yes, multiples O’s in a row, are ideal for having an incredible sex life—whether it’s with yourself or a partner.
In the past, orgasms were something that I considered great, of course, but about a year ago, my orgasms started to become stronger, longer-lasting, and more intense. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was watching some porn movies because I intended to masturbate, but I didn’t even get to the actual masturbation part. I remember seeing one video in particular that caught my interest, and while watching it, I gradually became so turned on that I orgasmed without even touching myself.
While watching the video, I remember paying close attention to the actions that were going on during the video and utilizing all my senses. I focused on the details of the positions done by the couple and the sounds they were making. I also mentally filled in the gaps of the things that weren’t explicitly shown or mentioned in the video, like how they met and what led them to having rough sex on the floor.
The more I became aroused, the more I wondered if it’d be possible for me to finish without touching myself, and when it happened, I was shocked. I had heard of hands-free orgasms, but I was sceptical that my body would be capable of experiencing a climax in such a different way than what I was used to.
Then it suddenly hit me. Regardless of where a person is in their sexual journey, their body can achieve newer and better sensations than what they’ve felt in the past. Sometimes, we’re so used to coming in one or two specific ways that we forget the other possibilities of achieving high-quality orgasms.
How to have better orgasms
When achieving ultimate bedroom bliss, here’s the most important thing to remember: your brain is your most powerful sex organ.
One of the biggest myths out there is that orgasms are a completely physical response. People assume that penetration has to be involved and that you have to stimulate a particular area to help your partner (or yourself) achieve it. However, your mind may get you to your O quicker than any touch can. Besides, this idea is even supported by research! A 2005 study published in the Journal of Sex & Martial Therapy found that orgasmic pleasure and satisfaction were more related to the psychological aspects of pleasure rather than the physical factors.
This relates to the piece of specific advice when trying to achieve bigger and better orgasms.
5 Tips on how to have better orgasms
Better orgasm tip 1: Utilize the power of your mind
To make your orgasm feel stronger, try eroticizing your thoughts. For example, as soon as you get home from work, there’s a part of you that might be tempted to sit on the couch and watch TV until your partner comes home. As soon as they walk through the door, you might do your usual routine by greeting them and initiating a conversation about your day. Instead, think of the most attractive qualities that your partner has. Is it their height? If so, think about how exciting it would feel to run up to them as soon as they walk through the door and plant a passionate kiss on their lips for once. Do you find your partner’s work ethic attractive? If so, think about how you’ll offer them a sexy, full-body massage with oil.
And don’t stop there. Try fantasizing about something new or exotic during sex. Doing so can boost your level of arousal and, in turn, make your orgasms even more powerful. While having sex, imagine that your partner is the President, King, Queen, or Prime Minister and you’re their secret lover who they’re having an affair with. Pretend that the two of you have to sneak away out of fear that your passionate encounters might get exposed. Though the fantasy is a silly little scenario you made in your head, it’ll work wonders by heightening your level of excitement, leading to a stronger climax.
Better orgasm tip 2: Eliminate sex organ hierarchy
Don’t think of the penis or vagina as the top of the chain when it comes to anatomy. There are many body parts to explore and the pleasure you create from one body part may influence an increased amount of pleasure for another body part.
For example, one of my quickest and best orgasms was when a lover did the ‘knee thing’ on me. He positioned his body so that we were lying on our sides while being face to face and then used his knee to gently grind against my clitoris and outer labia instead of fingering me, applying just enough pressure to get me going. Part of the reason why it felt so good was because he explored my body in more of a curious and fun way rather than having a usual ‘go-to’ method. Needless to say, typical penetrative sex isn’t always necessary to get the job done.
Aside from the penis and vagina, there are many other erogenous zones you can explore: the scalp, the ears, the cheeks, the lips and tongue, the neck, the arms, the wrists and hands, the back, the breasts, the nipples, the lower abdomen, the pelvis, the butt, the anus, the rectum, the inner thighs, the feet, the labia, the clitoris, the frenulum, the perineum, and the prostate. Allow your partner to explore your entire body, and don’t feel pressured to go straight for the genitals.
Stronger orgasm tip 3: Do your Kegel exercises, regardless of your gender identity
Luckily, Kegel exercises are something that you can do daily, and it doesn’t have to be in the privacy of your home. You can get in the habit of strengthening your Kegels at work. To strengthen your pelvic floor muscles, tighten the muscles that you use to keep from peeing midstream. When tightening your pelvic floor muscles, squeeze them for three seconds,and then relax for three seconds. Try it a few times in a row. For the best results, focus on tightening only your pelvic floor muscles. Try not to flex the muscles in your stomach area, thighs or butt. And don’t hold your breath. Instead, breathe freely during the exercises.
Better orgasm tip 4: Experiment with different sensory experiences
Become mindful and attuned to your senses, and not just touch. We tend to place the strongest emphasis on touch when it comes to sex, for obvious reasons. However, other sensory activities can be just as refreshing.
For example, next time you think about having a solo session, use a blindfold while listening to audio porn to heighten your sense of hearing. Ask your partner to perform a strip-tease and entice you with each layer of clothing they remove, adding more excitement to your sight. Then make a point to invite in the smells of your partner as they perform the strip tease right in front of your face.
Stronger orgasm tip 5: Have sex in a way that mimics your masturbation habits
If you have a habit of masturbating on your stomach then opt for a modified version of doggy style where you’re lying flat on your stomach and your partner penetrates you behind. By doing so, you can place your hand underneath your vulva and grind against it during sex. Feel free to get directly on top of your partner too, and grind your clitoris against their pelvis from above if that’s more comfortable.
Ultimately, the key to having stronger and better orgasms is exploring different ways to experience pleasure and clearing your mind of preconceived notions. Start from scratch and pretend you’ve never had a sexual experience before. While it’s great to know what turns you on and gets you going enough to orgasm, it’s also okay to not be attached to a particular outcome. Don’t worry about how fast you expect to bring yourself to orgasm. Instead, focus on your sensations, explore your body’s reactions to touch, or try something completely new, just for fun. Creativity and exploration are the optimum resources for increasing sexual consciousness and having the most pleasurable orgasms you deserve.