Ever felt excited by the idea of getting caught while having sex, or been excited knowing others might overhear your sexual encounter? Maybe you enjoy wearing provocative outfits, relishing the glances you attract, or finding it exciting that the thought of you arouses others. These experiences may hint at an exhibitionism kink.
What is exhibitionism?
Exhibitionism is a kink where someone finds sexual excitement by putting themselves on some sort of display for others to witness. The kink can be as subtle as wearing revealing clothing to the more extremes of being watched while having sex. For many exhibitionists, the thrill mainly comes from the idea or thought that they are being watched. Exhibitionism can be a fantastic way to explore your confidence and push your own sexual boundaries. As this kink can involve others, it’s of the utmost importance that it takes place legally and there’s consent between all parties.
It was during one of our first sexual encounters together that we realised we both shared this kink. We were in the 7th-floor apartment building. We had been talking for hours and hadn’t realised that it had gotten dark outside when we started fooling around. Being lost in the moment and only focused on each other and our pleasure, it was halfway through having sex that we realised we were being watched by people in neighbouring apartments, who could see clearly into the living room. The contrast of bright lights inside the apartment and the black night sky outside practically set our living room up as a stage. We were the performers, and we had an audience. Ty, the gentleman he is, immediately tried to conceal our activities by closing the curtains but not as fast as I could say, “Stop, I like them watching.” He gave me a cheeky look that subtly hinted to me he enjoyed it, too, and we kept going as we were.
That experience became a turning point in our relationship, cementing exhibitionism as a major turn-on for both of us. What started as a private thrill has now evolved into something we openly share with others. As we embraced our kink, we quickly realised how censored the world is when it comes to sex despite the growing desire for honest, accessible sex education. This inspired us to create our online Academy, Under The Sheets. Through real, unfiltered demonstration videos, we now teach couples from around the globe how to explore their own kinks, discover new techniques, and enhance their intimacy in the bedroom. In this article, we’re going to share more about how to explore exhibitionism.
How to start exploring exhibitionism
Exhibitionism doesn’t have to be overt or extreme; in fact, it can be surprisingly sensual. For many, it’s about much more than the physical act—it can be a way to break routine, feel more connected to their partner and add a sense of play and fantasy to their relationship. Plus, it’s a great way to get a little rush out of everyday life!
While exhibitionism can be fun and exhilarating, it’s important to ensure safe and respectful play. So, how do you even begin to explore this kink?
Discuss the desire
When starting with any kink, we always recommend understanding what it is about it that turns you on. This can help determine how you explore the kink in the following steps, but it’s also really important to know what you get from it. For example, for Stace, the idea that other people are getting turned on and pleasuring themselves while watching us have sex is her turn-on. For someone else, it could be the exhilaration of nearly getting caught or knowing you’re doing something that you shouldn’t be. So firstly, understand what it is about the kink that interests you so that you can explore the aspects that interest you the most.
Choose your level of exposure
We always say it’s better to start small and gradually build your way up to more extremes than to start at the extreme first because it’s much harder to pull back. Now that you know what it is about exhibitionism that turns you on, you can choose how to scratch that itch.
We wouldn’t suggest jumping straight into a sex party as your first step. Instead, think of exploring kinks like climbing a ladder. Start on the first step and take your time gradually moving up, at your own pace. There’s no rush. If you find yourself feeling comfortable and satisfied on the second or third step, that’s perfectly fine—you don’t need to reach the top to enjoy the journey. Exploring kinks isn’t about pushing yourself to the extremes (unless that’s what you’re into); it’s about discovering what feels right for you.
Ideas to help start exploring exhibitionism
- Dress to thrill: Wearing something bold—whether it’s exposing a little extra skin, a daring neckline, or a tight fit—can be an exciting way to turn heads without crossing any lines. It lets you enjoy the adrenaline of knowing others are noticing you. For us, this is something we enjoy. Stace secretly loves it when people look, and Ty enjoys other people looking at Stace and fantasising about her.
- Tease in semi-public: This might look like some extra PDA in a place where people might see you, like a secluded park or a late-night car drive. It’s a way to test the waters without fully diving into the experience.
- Make some noise: Knowing others might overhear can be a big part of the rush. Being vocal in safe, semi-private spaces can heighten the energy and help you both lean into the experience without going too far.
- Record yourselves: If you’re not already, record yourselves having sex or fooling around, and you can imagine that this is another person watching you. You could speak to the camera like they’re someone else or imagine there is someone else watching the video that you make. You don’t have to share this with anyone if you don’t want to, or you could, sometimes the act of ‘something‘ else watching is enough to satisfy your kink.
- Open the windows: If you’re in an environment where you can have sex with the opportunity for other people to see you, this could be a great way to explore exhibitionism. For example, being in a high-rise apartment, keeping your bedroom curtains open for passersby to catch a glimpse, maybe while you’re in the car—always being mindful of the law, of course!
- Video calls: One of the next steps after this is to set up video calls with another couple or people to have virtual same-room sex. There is still a sense of barrier and security by playing in this virtual realm; however, make sure it’s with someone you trust or there are security measures in place that prevent screenshots or sharing. This is the aspect of our kink that led us to start our OnlyFans account, so we get to have sex for other people to watch us, and then we speak about how much they enjoyed it.
- Sex parties: If you’ve enjoyed those experiences and you would like to go further—sex parties are a great way to explore exhibitionism by having same-room sex as other people or having people watch you have sex. It’s important to establish boundaries and rules if you are transitioning to in-person sexual encounters where there might be a “look but not touch“ policy.
So, now you’ve chosen your way of exploring exhibitionism, how do you ensure it’s a good experience for both of you?
Respect and understanding between you and your partners are key to any sexual relationship and even more so when exploring kinks. Knowing that you or your partner can put a stop to the acts at any time if you become uncomfortable or it gets too much can be the safety net you need to feel secure. Always check in with each other and read body language for words unspoken.
The most important part is aftercare
A kink experience can be enhanced or ruined depending on how it concludes. There are often highs and extreme emotions or sensations felt during the exploration of a kink, and if those aren’t returned to homeostasis properly, it could leave one or both partners feeling vulnerable and exposed.
We highly recommend having a consistent and calming aftercare practice where you continue to connect and discuss the experience. After our kinksploration sessions together, we will often have a debriefing talk while we’re still in bed (if that’s where we ended up) and then have a warm drink to end the night. Some of the topics that we talk about are:
- What did you like?
- Is there anything you didn’t enjoy as much?
- What was your favourite part?
- Did anything surprise you?
- Is it something you’d like to try again?
- Is there anything else you’d like to try next time?
We believe in the importance of aftercare with every sexual encounter, but it is absolutely vital when exploring kinks. During these experiences, your most vulnerable self is exposed, and even more so when you’re pushing boundaries and trying new things. Aftercare helps seal the experience, offering a comforting sense of closure—a metaphorical cherry on top.
After exploring our kinks and getting ‘dirty‘ with each other, we always feel so much closer together, more connected, and have often uncovered parts of ourselves that we didn’t even know existed—and this experience is common among couples who explore kinks together.
By venturing mindfully into exhibitionism with each other, you can open up so many new levels of excitement, pleasure and intimacy. Give it a try!